Chasing Dreams
by JadeLotus01
Summary: After the Vong war, the Skywalkers are once again plagued by turmoil. This time from the ghosts of the past. LM.
1. Prologue

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_They still had so many dreams to chase – Kathy Tyres, Balance Point, p.40. _

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**Coruscant, 32 Years after the Battle of Yavin**

Something was different, and it had stirred Mara from the haven of a dreamless sleep into the cold, awaiting arms of semi-consciousness. Too irritated to surrender just yet, she stubbornly closed her eyes and attempted to fling herself back into that previous state of contentment. Instead, Mara dangled precariously in half-awareness, unable to calm her mind and drift back to sleep. Annoyed, she stretched out her senses to locate the source of her awakening. And make it pay, she smiled to herself.

The cool Coruscant breeze drifted in from the balcony. It was sweeter than Mara had ever remembered it, free from the heat the city-dwellers had imbibed it with before the Vong reshaping. And quiet. Coruscant had never been so still, so cautious, almost as if the entire city rested on its haunches, waiting for an attack. The rebuilding had begun, of course, and after two years of peace, had been vastly restored to its former glory. However, it had lost the brilliant nightlife the planet had been so famous for. The bright lights, colours and sounds that had made Coruscant the centre of both Republics. Mara thought it ludicrous, but the city itself had lost its confidence, and it seemed to be, like herself, stirring warily from a long sleep.

But that wasn't what had wakened her. They had been in this apartment for a month now, and she had reconciled the Coruscant she now lived in to the one in her memory. It hadn't been Ben – a quick force probe confirmed he was safely asleep in the next room. And dreaming of star dragons.

Mara shivered as the breeze touched her lightly with chilled fingertips. It was then she realised the strangeness that had woken her. Stretching out with deft fingers and the Force, Mara realised she was alone in the bed.

Marriage had, in more ways than one, been an uncomfortable jolt for Mara. It might have seemed like a small adjustment, but sharing her bed with another person had proved unbelievably difficult. His mere presence had bothered her the first few months. Mara had perhaps not slept in the most comfortable places over the years, but she had always been more or less alone. After her marriage she felt stifled. She did not like to be held. It wasn't through any lack of love for Luke, far from it, it was simply that she was used to being able to stretch out, to turn during the night without crashing into a lump of sleeping Skywalker.

Eventually, though, she was able to condition herself, to slowly close the space between them, extending her comfort zone to include him. It was almost ironic that now she would be woken by the very absence of his arms around her. It was one of those uncharacteristically sentimental thoughts that she had always teased Luke for having. But she allowed them, now, deep in her heart.

Mara pried open her eyes to peer through the darkness. Her husband stood silhouetted against the partially rebuilt cityscape. Carefully, she shielded herself, so not to alert him of her wakened state. She wouldn't have Luke notice her just yet, not when she could indulge herself by merely watching him. There had not been many moments in the past few years when she had been able to bask in his mere presence.

There had been the horrible effects of her illness where she had barely allowed herself anything but to retreat inside her own body, chasing her illusive destructors. And there had been the war, so long and painful, where death stalked them at every corner of the galaxy, where fear for her son clouded her judgement and thoughts. And even before that, when they had been newlyweds, they had been apart more often than together. Luke had been needed at the Academy and Mara had reconciled herself to jaunting across the galaxy with Mirrax. A small amount of regret lingered about for those days where she had journeyed to Yavin IV as little as possible. Perhaps if Mara had known what was to come, she would have acted differently. Perhaps not.

But relief flooded her that those days were behind them, at least for the moment. The war had ravaged many families, many lives, but there was peace now. At least, as close to peace as the galaxy ever seemed to get.

Luke, however, did not seem to be in harmony with Mara's mood. He stood utterly still, leaning slightly against the railing of their balcony, contemplating the skyline. But she felt his tumultuous emotions brewing just below the surface. Deftly, Mara crawled out of bed and moved over to him, the breeze chilling her skin further.

"I thought you were asleep" he said quietly, still gazing off into the distance.

"I was". She slipped her arms around his waist, her fingers locking themselves across his stomach. Her hands wee cold, but so was his skin. "You're thinking too loudly".

"I'm sorry" he muttered distractingly, but relaxing almost unconsciously against her.

"It's alright" she answered softly. "After ten years I should be used to it". He didn't answer, but then, Mara hadn't expected him to. She had long ago learnt to know the subtle changes in Luke's mood, to understand the times when her teasing would not be appropriate. He gave her no less in return.

Mara rested her cheek softly against his back, between his shoulder blades. "What are you thinking?" She asked finally, when it became clear he wasn't about to instigate conversation.

There was silence for several moments. Anyone else would have though the Jedi Master was ignoring them, but Mara knew he was simply considering his answer. "I was thinking about the city" he said finally, softly.

"So was I" she said, not really all that surprised. It wasn't uncommon for their thoughts to connect like that.

Mara felt, rather than saw, his smile. "I know".

She snorted in an unbecoming fashion. So he _had _known she'd been awake. And he'd waiting for her to come to him, the Sith. Mara released her light grip around him and slipped around to his left side, until she was standing next to him at the railing.

"I was thinking how this was never really my home" he continued, undeterred by her movements. "Home was Tatooine, or Yavin, even in my X-wing. Or more recently" he snuck a glace at her, "On the _Shadow_". He sighed. "I just…habitated here, occasionally. But now…"

Mara knew what he meant. Coruscant had never really been her home either. It was difficult coming to terms with building one here. "We've still got the _Shadow_" she reminded him.

"Yeah" his mouth twitched in the beginnings of a grin. "But you don't really have the best track record in that area, do you?"

A playful, yet quite forceful swipe at his head was her answer. He ducked it easily and showed her two sets of teeth. "It least it's not falling apart, like that overgrown escape pod of yours" she snapped.

"Nothing wrong with sticking to a classic" he grinned.

"Yeah, classic pain in the bantha hide" she mumbled. But she ran her fingers affectionately up his arm and rested her head gently on his shoulder. "No what were you really thinking about?" she asked. Mara knew better than anyone when someone was trying to deflect a question.

Luke sighed, bringing his other hand to rest on the railing. "Do you think I did the right thing, transplanting the Academy here?"

Mara considered his question. They had begun to make preparations for a new Jedi Academy, and the fledging Coruscant seemed to be the most obvious choice. But she knew Luke agonised over the decision. Distance from the centre of the galaxy and all of his politicians, temptations and distractions was why he had chosen Yavin IV in the first place. But things were different now.

"I trust your judgement Luke" she answered cautiously. "Maybe access to a bit of the real galaxy will give the new students a bit of perspective. And this is where the Council is".

"And every other political body out to exploit them".

Mara sighed. "I thought I was the pessimist in this relationship?"

"Come one, Mara" he began to smile again. "What do you always tell Ben about sharing?"

She felt a slight tugging on the edge of her lips . "Yes but I'm his mother. '_Do what I say, not what I do'_".

"I hope that's not the same philosophy you apply to your Jedi teaching" he said in mock seriousness.

"Well, I did learn from the _Master"_ she allowed her characteristic sarcasm to creep into her voice. "Seriously though, Luke" she said before he could come up with an appropriate retort. "The last thing you want is an order of monks, locked away in their ivory towers. Learning to deal with temptation early on can only help them when they become true Jedi".

"Ah, and 'guardians of peace and justice'?" he inquired, drawing his gaze back to the city. The look in his eye told her he was, once again, looking to the past.

"Yes, that too". Mara gently turned him back to face her. Sinuously, she reached up to slide her arms around his neck, placing a soft kiss to the cleft in his chin. "All you can give is your best, Luke".

His own arms tightened around her. "I know" he replied almost imperceptivity. "I try". Mara didn't bother to remind him of Yoda's old adage, she knew it was already on his mind. Instead, she held him as the minutes drifted by as he contemplated, and Mara allowed herself to drink in and indulge herself in his presence. For the moment at least, there was complete peace.

"Now" he said finally, breaking out of his reverie as he pulled her backwards into the apartment. "I better come back with you to bed. I wouldn't want you to be lonely and unable to sleep". His eyes twinkled mischievously.

_The blasted eavesdropper, _Mara fumed inwardly. "You'll be lucky if I ever sleep with you again, Skywalker" she growled.

His answering laugh was the most comforting thing she'd heard in a long time.


	2. Chapter 1

**Skywalker Apartment, Coruscant. 32ABY**

Few things frustrated Mara Jade Skywalker like the morning antics of her son. Unfortunately, Ben had not inherited her sense of personal discipline, having little to no concept of the phrase _on time. _In fact, Mara rather thought he enjoyed dragging out every possible moment and creating every possible problem for her in the morning rush. Mara herself had never really grown out of the routine she employed while in the service of the Emperor. She had every moment planned to the second, ensuring she made it to her destination exactly on time. Too early or too late had always been unacceptable.

The trouble was, Ben was a variable that could not be tamed.

Her five-year old son sat on the couch, grinning adorably at her while he attempted to tie the laces on his small boots. A quick check to her chrono confirmed that they had no hope of making it to the Jedi Temple in time for their appointment with Tionne. Not that the gentle-hearted Jedi would mind the delay, it was simply that punctuality was something Mara asked from those around her and demanded no less of from herself.

Mara's fingers twitched and she moved purposefully towards her son.

"No, Mama", Ben cried indignantly. "Can do it myself. Uncle Han showed me".

Mara mentally cursed that blasted Corellian and the patented Skywalker stubbornness in one thought. Gently lowering herself to her knees, she faced her son at eye-level. "We're late, Ben" she said as calmly as she could. She would not let her voice betray her frustration. That was what he wanted. Like his father, Ben seemed to revel in seeing her on edge.

"Can do it myself" he repeated, refocusing his attention on his small feet.

Mara sighed and leaned back on her haunches. She felt loathe to give in to him so easily, but arguing would simply take more time she didn't have.

She sat and waited, struggling not to wince at the mess Ben seemed to be creating. Han, unfortunately, had taught him the Corellian method for tying his laces, which, of course, made the action ten times more complicated than it needed to be. Mara promised herself to thank Han in her own special way for that.

The seconds ticked by and Mara found herself fidgeting with the twin beaded necklaces that laced around her neck to keep her fingers occupied. She had never been one for jewellery, any accessories, really. Her blaster and her lightsaber was all she had ever needed. But she had taken to wearing the necklaces for sentimental, rather than aesthetic, value. They had been a gift from Luke, early in the Vong invasion. In that time of indecision and uncertainty, he had found it therapeutic to work with his hands again. He had carved the small, individual beads himself, from the purplish-brown wood of the Massassi trees on Yavin IV. It was comforting, he had told her, to feel something corporeal, to feel the bark and knife in his hands, to take his mind off the answers that were not so easily grasped.

She had also guessed, that, in part, the gesture had been a consolation for the loss of his first gift, the _Jade Sabre, _although she had never said so. Mara knew the loss of the ship he had personally designed had wounded him as much as it had her. Since the war had ended, she had worn the beads religiously. It had, however, promoted the awkward habit of fidgeting, something she never would have allowed in her younger days. It was just one of the small allowances she had made in her life. Like indulging her son and his bizarre internal chrono, like allowing Luke to sleep with his arms around her.

"Done!" Came the exclamation from Ben, as he beamed proudly at her. Mara took in the tangled mess of laces that adorned Ben's boots. They were tied…more or less.

Too often, more or less was all she could afford to settle for.

"When can I fly, Mama?" Ben crawled energetically out of the passenger seat of Mara's speeder and leapt to the ground below.

Mara herself made a more dignified exit. "When I'm too old to", she replied in a tone that didn't warrant argument. The thought of her son speeding recklessly through the Coruscant traffic was not one she wished to entertain anytime soon. Brushing her fingers hastily through her hair, Mara quickly did the same for Ben, pushing his windswept locks back from his face. It was then that she noticed a small, suspicious looking blue patch on the shoulder on his nylar tunic.

"Ben, what is this?" she asked, grabbing the offending fabric between her fingers.

"Breakfast?" His face was the holo of innocence.

"Well, how did it get there?" She clutched the fabric tighter, as if the stain would disappear by her sheer will and force.

Ben shrugged. "I just drank my milk like you told me, Mama".

Mara fought the urge to roll her eyes. "I meant how did it get on your…never mind". She abandoned her line of questioning, knowing she would yield no answers from the boy. "Maybe I can find a change of clothes in the Temple" she murmured. One thing Mara could not seem to shed was her fastidiousness. The small, almost indistinguishable stain made Ben seem altogether dishevelled.

"No one'll know. You can't see it" Ben pouted.

"_I'll_ know, Ben". Mara sighed. "Alright, come on" she conceded, grabbing his hand and leading him towards the ziggurat base of the temple. The new Jedi base was largely inspired by the temple plans of the Old Jedi Order, which had been uncovered by historians in the years before the Vong war. Building a similar structure for the New Order had been the idea of Chief of State Omas, one which both Mara and Luke had reservations about. Luke especially had disliked the five spires jutting out from the base, thinking it too ostentatious and perhaps sending a negative symbol of Jedi supremacy to the general populance. Mara had been inclined to agree.

Cal Omas, however, had garnered public support for a symbolic link to the Old Republic and its Knights, a throwback, as Omas garnered it, to history and future posterity. He was, after all, a politician at his core, and he knew exactly how to sway the Council to his way of thinking. That was fine, in Mara's opinion, as long as his influence stopped at the design stage and went no further into the affairs of Jedi training.

Of course, one of the other downsides to the new Jedi Temple was the three hundred-odd stairs that lead to the entrance. Of course there were turbolifts for other people wishing to enter, but Mara couldn't allow such a dent in her pride as to be seen taking the easy way out. The climb itself was not difficult for a Jedi, but having a child in tow complicated the matter greatly.

As soon as they reached the base of the stairs, Ben's arms shot up in a silent demand to be carried. But Mara simply gave a gentle tug on the hand still clenched beneath her fingers. "You're old enough to climb yourself now, Ben" she told him firmly, taking the first step. There was a rush of elation when he dutifully followed.

Their pace was slow, the steps too wide for Ben to take in one stride, and Mara more than once felt the urge to sweep him into her arms and make the job easier on both of them. But if there was one thing Leia had taught her about child-rearing, it was to stand firm.

It wasn't long, however, before Ben started puffing heavily beside her. "Mama, I'm ti-red" he whined, turning what appeared to be a tear-filled gaze towards her. Mara reminded herself to have a talk with the younger Solo's about teaching Ben bad habits. She just _knew _the twins had let her son in on all of their persuasive parent-bending techniques.

"Just a little longer, Ben" she soothed him. As tempted as she was to show him how to use to Force to assist in the climb, she firmly believed that he needed to be a person first, and then a Jedi. Ben had to learn his limitations, without using the Force as a crutch.

Unfortunately, Ben didn't see it that way, if his pouting lower lip was anything to go by. Mara was relived when they finally reached the entrance, only to find a harried-looking Tionne hurrying towards them. Ben ran towards her, and fastened himself around her calves, giggling with delight. Tionne's movement constricted by this action, she bent down as best she could to regard the small boy. "Hello, Ben" she cooed. "Did you climb up here all by yourself?"

"Yep!" Ben grinned at her. "Easy as bantha pie".

"I'm sure" Tionne regarded him solemnly. "Hello, Mara" she said, straightening herself.

"Sorry about the time Tionne". Mara shook her head. "It's been one of those mornings, and with Luke off force knows where…"

"That's alright" the Jedi smiled gently at her. "I tried you on the comm, but there was no answer, so I assumed you were already on your way. And" she added as Ben untangled himself from her legs. "I remember what this one is like. You haven't been causing trouble for your mother, have you Ben?" she raised a fine, white eyebrow.

"Nuh, uh" Ben replied, returning to Mara and curling a hand around her knee. "Auntie Leia says I'm an angel".

"She doesn't have to live with you" Mara muttered under her breathe, so that Ben wouldn't hear.

Tionne smiled and gestured towards the Temple entrance. "I thought we'd just go to my office" she said.

Mara consented. She had her own office, of course, adjourning Luke's, but she had yet to set foot in it. She unfastened Ben's hand from his vice grip on her knee and followed Tionne into the Temple. Her office, she knew, was on a higher level and she felt Ben wince when they came to another set of stairs.

"Mama". He tugged on her tunic.

"Alright, Ben, I'll carry you" she conceded. He had, after all, handled the main steps with little complaints.

"You promised we'd go see the water". He turned his grey eyes towards her. She had always considered Ben's eyes to be the carbon-copy blue of Luke's but she had found that when he was distressed or angry, the shade darkened to a misty grey. In Mara's experience, it was not a good sign.

"The water?" Tionne questioned, coming to a stop.

Mara sighed. "The Room of a Thousand Fountains" she explained. It was indeed a fascinating sight, located underground just beneath the Temple itself. A living jungle, complete with flowers, plants, animals and the most magnificent waterfalls she had ever seen. She had, unwisely it seemed, captivated Ben by descriptions of it. "I said I'd show it to him".

"You _promised_, Mama" he said, crossing his arms stubbornly. And – oh Force, out came that bottom lip again.

"Sweetie, I'll take you after I talk with Tionne. We have very important things to discuss". They didn't really, but Ben had distracted her long enough that morning.

The lip quivered and his eyes filled with tears – real, this time. She should have expected that. For some reason, close contact with so many Force-sensitives always made Ben more emotional. She would have to talk to Luke on how to control that.

"Maybe one of the students can take him" offered Tionne, seeing the child's distress.

"I don't think that's a good…Ben!" she cried as his small hand was yanked from hers. Whirling around, Mara saw that Ben had already disappeared.

"Is he still doing that?" Tionne asked, searching the room for him with her keen eye.

"He hasn't done it before with me" Mara shot back.

The Administrator sighed. "He used to do this in the Maw. When he got upset, he would run off and hide. Kam and I assumed he didn't want to share his hurt with anybody". Mara didn't miss the surreptitious glance. She knew what Tionne was thinking. Ben was her son, alright. "It was usually after you and Luke left" she added quietly.

"Well I don't plan on leaving him alone to sulk in this place". Closing her eyes, Mara reached out for Ben's familiar presence. "He's heading down through the left wing. Probably trying to find the gardens".

"That is the most direct route" Tionne agreed. "Would you like me to accompany you?"

"No". Mara pinpointed the small figure in her mind, racing down the stairs. Sith, he was fast. "I'll meet you in your office".

"I will be there all day, Mara". Tionne placed a delicate hand on her arm. "Take all the time you need". Mara understood the unsaid implication. _Take the time to be with your son. _

The guilt stabbed her quietly as Mara made her way down towards the Room of a Thousand Fountains, following Ben closely. She had missed out on so much of Ben's childhood, so many of his early years. She hadn't realised that her absence had hurt Ben so much. But then, like his mother, he was very good as keeping his feelings to himself. How many times had she run away, hiding inside herself, trying to become numb to the pain?

Ben often had serious mood swings, from ecstatically happy to solemn and introverted. He swung between the two extremes, and it was often difficult to pinpoint exactly what was going to set him off.

Mara didn't know if it was his genetics that were to blame. After all, she was known to have abrupt changes in mood herself. Not to mention Luke's often precarious swinging from the Jedi Master to the Farmboy. On the other hand, none of them had been untouched by the Vong war. Ben was no exception. He spent years with only fleeting moments with his parents, had felt multiple deaths through the Force, not to mention growing up in the aftermath of a war-ravaged galaxy.

Whatever it was, Mara vowed to spend as much time as possible with her son, with her family. Love, as she had discovered many years before, could cure almost anything.

Sweet, humid air assaulted Mara's nostrils as she entered the Room of a Thousand Fountains. The wild jungle and heat almost reminded her of Yavin IV. Unwittingly, Mara touched the beads around her neck. Almost.

But taking in the beauty of the cavern was not what she was there for. Mara ran hurriedly through the set path, brushing past the foliage that blocked her way. Ben was close now…but she could feel that he was alone, and not in danger. Curiosity and wonder emanated from him. Still, she would feel better when she had him in her arms.

Mara pushed a strain of Splinter Fern out of her way. There he was, sitting quite happily on a smooth rock, next to a comfortable-looking patch of Naboo swamp moss. But Mara felt her heart constrict as she saw the woman kneeling in the grass beside him.

Shock paralysed her for a few moments, unwilling or unable to believe her own eyes. Mara took in the woman's long, malt hair that fell in soft waves over her shoulders. The elegance with which she held herself, her long legs crossed under herself, her back perfectly straight and poised. The severe curve of her high cheekbones, covered in pale, smooth skin. And finally, the stormy grey eyes. Mara reached out with the Force, and felt nothing…no, less than nothing. She felt an absence in the Force. That confirmed Mara's darkest suspicions.

Sitting quietly chatting to her son, was Callista Ming.


	3. Chapter 2

**Hunter's Luck, Deep Space. 12 years after the Battle of Yavin.**

The stars roiled by, an amalgamation of suns and planets and lives, spinning past her into oblivion. Mara would never admit it to anyone, but she enjoyed watching the blur of hyperspace, the swirling blue it created around the viewing window of her cockpit. And she needed the comfort at the moment. She had felt awkward in the med bay, while Leia tended to Luke's injuries and questioned him mercilessly about the woman they'd found in the escape pod. It had bothered her to see Luke so affectionate to her, staring into her grey eyes, his fingers lightly tracing her new face.

She had felt overwhelmed when he had kissed her. It had been soft, almost chaste, but there had been no question – it had been a lover's kiss. It had been unbearable, and Mara had escaped to the cockpit, mumbling an excuse about checking their flight pattern. She was not going to allow herself to be uncomfortable on her own ship.

But what bothered her so much was the fact that she even _cared_. Perhaps it was just seeing Skywalker in such a different light. In the few years she had known him, he had never seen him have more than a platonic friendship with anyone. The man had been involved even less relationships than she had. But what was it about this woman that made her gut twist so horribly?

Mara heard the hatch slide open, but didn't bother to turn around. She knew who it was.

"You should be resting Skywalker" she called over her shoulder, unable to put the usual bite into her words. "Wait, don't tell me, you're fine" she continued, before he could speak.

"I am". Luke carefully made his way into the co-pilot's seat.

Mara raised an eyebrow at him. "Is that so?" Before he could register her movement her fingers reached out and pushed into his injured leg. She was rewarded with his yelp of pain.

"Alright" he smiled good-naturedly. "I'm fine so long as ex-assassins aren't putting the moves on me".

She grunted and turned away. "I would say that job is already been covered" she muttered to herself.

Mara felt his intense gaze, and knew his keen ears had picked up her reference to the woman currently residing in her med bunk. Force, she hated when he did that. That look of his compelled her so strongly, calling her eyes to his like a magnet. It made her feel uncomfortable, and out of control. Resolutely, she continued to stare at the blue swirl of the stars rushing by.

"What do you think of her, Mara?" he asked finally, his voice soft.

"Of who? The woman back there who's currently wearing Mingla's body?" Her voice had regained its sharp edge. "I don't know, Skywalker, what am I supposed to think?" Her lips twitched bitterly. "I didn't exactly expect to be carrying the extra cargo" she added snidely.

She heard Luke's deep sigh, the one that meant he was disappointed. "One thing I'll never understand about you Jade" he leaned back wearily into his seat. "Is how you find it so difficult to see the humanity in people. To you they're cargo, objects… complications".

Mara stiffened at his harsh words. His tone was soft and sincere, but there was an undercurrent of brutality to his words. She responded the only way she knew how –dismissively. "Need I remind you whose ship you are on, Skywalker?" Her voice was cold. "Perhaps I should throw you both out of the airlock, since I'm so heartless".

"Oh, Mara…" he shook his head slightly and reached out to touch her hand. "I never said you were heartless".

"Just inhuman". She snatched her hand away.

"No". He sighed again, the sound grating on her nerves. "I know you care about people. You wouldn't be here if you didn't". She felt his piercing gaze on her again. "I'd be _dead_ if you didn't" he added, almost inaudibly.

"Make up your mind, Skywalker" she said impatiently. "Either I care or I don't". Through the Force, she felt a whisper of – something – from the man next to her. Like grief, or melancholy, or perhaps a wistfulness.

"I used to think like that" Luke continued, his gaze shifting from her face to the cockpit window where her own eyes rested. "In absolutes. Good and Evil, Right and Wrong".

Mara noted the change in his voice. "And now?"

He smiled. "Now I know better".

They sat in silence for several minutes, watching the stars rush by. It was peaceful, Mara conceded, sitting in another's presence. She felt a kind of harmony that was unknown to her. It felt strange, yet….she was at peace. Being with Luke was not as abrasive as it had once been, gone was the hostility and uneasiness she had once felt around him. Now in his presence, there was acceptance. From both of them.

Unfortunately, it did not last.

"I think you'll like her" he said, shattering the silence and, along with it, Mara's comfort. "Callista, I mean".

"Is that her name?" Mara felt her acrimony returning.

There was a chuckle from the seat beside her. _Blast him, what did her always find so amusing about her? _Mara crossed her arms and clenched her jaw. Gone was the peace, he was back to his usual, infuriating self.

"Not like you to forget details so easily" Luke said, a slight taunt in his voice. Mara grimaced, she hadn't forgotten the woman's name. And Luke knew it.

"She's wonderful, Mara" he continued, his eyes glazing over in happiness. "Brave and intelligent – one of the kindest people I've ever met. And a Jedi, too" he added as an afterthought.

Shock overwhelmed Mara as she felt bright tendrils of Luke's feelings hit her. "You…you're in love with her" she managed to stutter out.

Luke gave her a quizzical look. "Well…yes". He had obviously thought his feelings had been clear.

Mara clamped down her shields, so not to alert him to her tumultuous emotions. She had known that they had shared an intense experience on the _Eye of Palpatine_, but love? It had been obvious to everyone that Luke wished to pursue a relationship with Callista, but the revelation he was already in love with her upset Mara more than she cared to admit.

Calming herself down, Mara had to admit to herself that it was keeping in with Skywalker's character. One flimsy Force-dream and he was irrevocably in love. Mara had never heard anything so ridiculous. Force help her if she was to ever fall victim to such foolishness.

"Mara?" She heard Luke's voice permeate her reeling mind and refocussed her attention. "Mara?" He repeated as she – finally – turned to face him. "What's so wrong with my being in love with her?"

Mara recollected her emotions. "Nothing" she spat out, a little too eagerly. "I just wasn't expecting you to reveal it like that".

"You think it's too soon" Luke nodded sagely. "That's what Han said".

"Well, Solo isn't always so far off the mark". Her voice had returned to a normal level.

"I can't really explain it, Jade. But what we share…it's incredible".

Mara rolled her eyes as she caught that faraway look in his gaze again. "I'm sure".

"I really want you to accept her, Mara" he tried for her hand again, and this time she didn't pull away. "Your opinion is very important to me".

His clear blue eyes pleaded with her. Mara felt herself drawn to them - she had never really noticed how deep they were before. His words rattled through her mind. He wanted – no, needed, her acceptance, her support. The question was whether she was prepared to give it to him.

"She'll just have to prove herself to me". The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could think them through. It was an automatic response, although she wasn't sure if it was a truthful one.

Luke's eyes betrayed his hurt, and he slowly pulled his hand away, nodding resolutely. It was then that Mara realised the fundamental difference between them. While she needed time to judge people, to weigh their worthiness of her trust and support, Luke always accepted without question. Unlike his unending faith, her friendship was conditional.

Understanding and perhaps, Mara realised, a little saddened by it, Luke hoisted himself to his feet. "Thanks for the rescue, Jade" he acknowledged coldly, before making his way towards to hatch. He winced in slight pain as he twisted his leg at the wrong angle. Mara ignored it.

She heard the release mechanism of the door, and something twisted inside of her. "Skywalker" she called to him, her voice stripped of all emotion. It sounded pitifully tinny in the cockpit, echoing off the walls. "What you said, about…humanity…"

He didn't answer, but she felt his full attention. She swallowed forcefully, loathe to say anything at all. But something within her forced the words out. "In most of the people I've known…" She looked sadly out to the stars. "It hasn't existed at all".

The silence was palpable, and Mara was unable to gauge his reaction. Understanding flowed through from him, but no words. She hadn't really wanted any. His presence shifted, and then grew fainter.

The door whipped closed behind him, and she was left alone in the cockpit, contemplating the stars.


	4. Chapter 3

**Jedi Temple, Coruscant. 32 ABY. **

Despite the stifling humidity of the artificial jungle, Mara felt decidedly cold. Her blood seemed to freeze in her veins, locking her joints and preventing any movement. Her mind roiled as the reality of the situation hit her.

Callista Ming, next to her son, chatting amiably away with him. It might as well have been a Sith Lord sitting in the grass with him. Although Mara couldn't exactly rule that out. A white-hot anger burned within her – something she had not felt in many years. It spurned her into movement, and Mara lunged towards Ben, crossing the distance and sweeping her arms around him protectively. Studiously, she ignored Callista. She wasn't sure what would happen if she allowed her anger to take hold.

So she focused on her son, twisting him in her arms to face her. "Don't you _ever_ do that again" she said firmly, holding tightly onto his shoulders. "You can't run away like that Ben, it's dangerous, you understand?"

Ben's face became solemn and his eyes filled with moisture. Mara was not often that forceful with him, nor did he usually see her so upset. No doubt he could feel her anguish through the Force, as well. "I'm sorry" he sniffed, bringing the sleeve of his tunic to wipe his nose.

"It's okay, Ben". Mara hugged him again, sending him her comfort through their bond. "You have to remember to stay where I can see you". She placed a loving kiss to his puffy cheek.

As abruptly as it always did, Ben's mood changed to from contrition to excitement as a grin formed on his face. "I found a friend, Mama" he cried jubilantly, wriggling out of her embrace.

Mara turned her attention to the woman kneeling close to them, reconciling the Callista of her memory to the image before her. There was no trace of Cray Mingla left - her features consumed completely by Callista's sharp angles and rigid expression. Her malt hair, free of grey, had grown out of the cropped style she had sported when Mara had known her, the slight waves framing her face and neck. The grey eyes seemed deeper, the angles of her face more severe and uncompromising, and yes – there were even hints of wrinkles around her eyes and mouth.

But she had aged well, Mara thought with resentment.

She felt an equal heavy scrutiny from Callista's stormy gaze. Her eyes narrowed slightly as the woman began to work things over in her mind, glancing from Mara to Ben and then back again. Mara felt a smug satisfaction come over her as she realised it was possible Callista was unaware of her marriage to Luke. Chad was pretty far out in the Rim, she recalled…if that was where she had been all this time. It was enjoyable, to watch Callista begin to shrink within herself as she connected the pieces. The fact that Ben had called her 'Mama'…that he looked so much like Luke.

She gloried in her companion's discomfort as Callista bit her lower lip and prepared to speak. "Mara Jade". She said finally, her voice remarkably steady. "It took me a moment to recognise you".

Mara once again felt her slippery gaze wander over her, and she tugged Ben's hand, urging him to sit back into her lap. _Where he would be safe_, she thought, not to kindly. "Well, a lot of things have changed since you left, Callista". Her voice was cold, dismissive. It was like slipping back into a familiar glove.

"So I see" Callista replied, glancing quickly at Ben.

Mara hugged him protectively, as the small boy turned his inquisitive gaze upwards. "Do you know 'Lista, Mama?"

"I'm an old…friend of your father's, Ben" Callista cut in before Mara could say anything, for which she received a venomous glare. A fact Ben did not fail to notice.

"But not yours?" he asked Mara, his small lower lip stuck out in confusion.

Callista's eyes widened at Ben's intuitiveness, but Mara simply sighed. She released her son and patted him lightly on his back. "Why don't you go play over near the flandorian flowers , Ben" she suggested lightly. "Just don't go near the lake". He happily ran towards the sweet blooming flower bed, the discomfort between the two women forgotten.

"He's very beautiful" Callista murmured, her gaze, too, following the small Skywalker.

Mara sighed heavily. With her son gone, she dropped all pretence of civility. "Cut the bantha crap, Callista. Why are you here?" The hard edge lingered dangerously in her tone.

A soft, artificial breeze drifted by them and Callista closed her eyes, breathing in deeply. "It's so peaceful, here. It almost reminds me of Yavin".

"You know what I meant. I don't really care why you decided to take a stroll through the woods. Why are you _here_, on Coruscant". Mara's hackles raised as Callista continued to ignore her.

"This was always my favourite part of the Jedi Temple. I'm glad they rebuilt it". Her eyes opened as she took in her surroundings. "The wildlife is a bit different from what I remember".

Mara fought the urge to pull out her blaster. Kiff, she thought those days were long behind her. Struggling to regain her composure, Mara decided to play along. She would get her answers soon enough, one way or the other. "It's the Vong influence" she said curtly. "The trouble with peace is that you have to make concessions". She glanced at the surrounding foliage. "In this case, it means some truly hideous plant life".

"I suppose so" Callista's tone was soft. "So many things have changed".

"I take it you didn't know of my marriage to Luke, then?" Mara stared the woman down, delighting in the wince she saw at the mention of her husband's name.

Callista returned her gaze, but could not hold it. "I admit, I have been considerably…secluded for many years. And in my haste to return, I did not, perhaps, do the research I should have".

Mara snorted in a fashion she knew was unbecoming, but that had never bothered her. "Bet it was a shock" she said, smiling slightly.

Shifting uncomfortably, Callista gaze flittered around her. "It was not something…I was expecting" she finally said.

"The fact that Luke was married?" Mara pressed her advantage. "Or that he was married to me?" There was a warning in her voice.

"Perhaps both". Callista's gaze fixed on her. "I seem to recall you saying once that wanting to kill someone was not a great basis for a long term relationship"

"People change" Mara shot back, meeting her eyes defiantly.

"Perhaps".

Mara bristled at the words. "You don't know me, Callista. With any luck, you never will". She sighed harshly. "As for Luke, you expected him to wait for you? Pine away like some pathetic brush-mouse?"

"I thought, maybe…." Callista cleared her throat. Her voice became soft, as if speaking to herself. "Perhaps that was the reason I didn't try to find out anything about him, other than where he was. If I'd known…I might not have returned"

"Which brings us back to why exactly you _did_ return". Mara's patience was running thin.

"I…" Callista abruptly cut herself off. "Where is Luke?" she asked.

"Why?"

"I wish to see him".

Mara clenched her fists, forcing herself not to reach out and strike the woman. "That doesn't mean I will let you".

She saw Callista's cheek twitch in – what? A repressed anger? She was so difficult to read, without the Force. "I should not need your permission" she said in a barely contained voice.

"Why? Because you think you have some…_lover's_ claim on him?" Mara spat out the words. They tasted so vile on her tongue. To think of Luke and Callista as lovers hurt as much as it had all of those years ago. Except they were far more intense, now. Mara felt territorial, she felt…possessive. There was no way she was letting this woman near her husband. _Her_ family.

Remarkably, Mara found the strength to calm herself, to reach that level on inner peace that Luke had shown her. She spoke again, this time in a soft and level, if no less dangerous voice. "Luke and I are married, Callista". She began. "We're _happy_. Go crawl back under whatever rock you came from and leave us alone".

Defiance burned in Callista's eyes. "I shouldn't have expected anything more from you, Mara Jade" her lilting voice became coarse. "But I am not someone you can get rid of". Her lips curved into a sardonic smile. "No matter how good you may have been at _that _in the past".

Although the impulse was to reach for her lightsaber, Mara fought the urge. She stood up and stared Callista down. "Stay away from my family" she hissed, before turning to leave.

Callista's hand darted out to catch her, fingers curling sinuously around her arm, biting into her skin. Her grip was strong, and she held fast though Mara tried to free herself. She began to call on the Force for a release when she heard Callista' desperate voice. "Please…Mara!" she called anxiously.

Everything inside Mara was screaming to throw the leech off her, to grab Ben and leave. But there was – something – in Callista's eyes, in her frantic face, that made her pause. Mara cared less for the woman than she cared for the Coruscant street grime that clung to her boots. But she felt her anger begin to ebb, and she wondered why.

Mara gently, but forcefully, pried Callista's fingers off her arm, and the woman collapsed onto her haunches, dejected.

Mara crossed her arms. It really was a pathetic sight, but strangely, she felt no joy seeing it. "Well?" she asked coolly. Breathing heavily, Callista looked up questioningly. Mara rolled her eyes. "I'm listening. And you are going to tell me why you are here. I know you haven't found the Force again, I can feel it".

Callista drew herself into a standing position. The woman had some height on Mara, but that did not deter her. She knew height and build had very little to do with intimidation. She looked to Callista expectantly.

"No, I haven't found the Force, and I have managed to resist the Dark Side…" Callista appeared to be choosing her words carefully. "But what I have to say is for Luke alone".

"This is not a negotiation" Mara snapped. Her patience was ready to snap, and she began to walk away, but again Callista grabbed her arm. Mara shook it off easily.

"Mara…" Callista called again, and Mara stopped. As much as she wanted to walk away, she was innately curious. "Mara", Callista was facing her again, and appeared to check herself. "I suppose…I should address you as Madame Skywalker now" she managed to force out.

A sardonic thought crossed Mara's mind. "Actually" she began, as nonchalantly as she could. "I'm a Jedi Master now". She watched in glee as Callista's brow creased, and her lips twitch painfully.

"Master Skywalker, then" Callista managed not to choke on the words. "I know we were never exactly friendly with each other…or even civil" she admitted.

_Yes_, Mara thought. _Because I saw you for trouble long before anyone else did_.

"But, please". Callista lowered her head slightly, in a sign of defeat. "I need to see Luke".

"He's off-planet at the moment" Mara admitted, watching as fury blazed in Callista's eyes.

"You…you" she spluttered out. "You let me…"

"Oh, shut up". If there was one thing Mara despised it was blubbering. "When he returns I'll tell him you're here" the words spilled out of Mara's mouth without her realising. She had been fully prepared the tell Callista to get off planet or she would personally see to it that she was never heard from again. Instead, she had all but promised an audience with Luke. Since when did she feel sympathy for Callista Ming, who didn't deserve to come within a system's length of her husband? Mara sighed. There was no going back now. "I'll tell him, and _if _he wants to see you, I'll allow it".

"Really?" Callista looked as surprised as she felt.

"Yes". Mara rubbed her brow in frustration. Being around Callista was taxing her. "Here's my comm frequency" she recited it. "Transfer the details on where you're staying".

Callista looked at her suspiciously. "How can I trust you?"

An irritability she couldn't ignore flushed over Mara. "I'm a Jedi. It's in the job description". She turned her irate gaze towards her. "Now get out of my sight".

Probably realising that it was as far as she was going to get, Callista nodded curtly. Glancing to where Ben was picking flower petals and throwing them into the air, she called to him. "Goodbye, Ben. It was nice talking to you".

The small boy bounded over to the two women. "You leaving, 'Lista?" he pouted.

Callista nodded, smiling broadly at the child. "Maybe I'll see you again, soon". Mara raised her eyebrows. _Not if she could help it!_

Ben held out one of the brightly coloured blossoms, which Callista accepted gracefully. A look of wistfulness crossed her face as she smiled. "Thank you". She turned to Mara and gave a slight bow of respect. "Master Skywalker". She nodded in response, watching Callista closely until she was out of sight.

Mara felt her equilibrium return. She closed her eyes, unexpectedly feeling exhausted. It wasn't long, however, before she felt an impatient tugging on her leg. Mara reopened her eyes, to see Ben holding out the remaining flower in his hand. "I picked the best one for you, Mama".

Sinking to her knees, Mara pulled Ben into a tight embrace. Suddenly, she was thankful for everything she had.


	5. Chapter 4

**Thanks very much to all who reviewed!**

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**Jedi Praxeum, Yavin IV. 12 years after the Battle of Yavin. **

She'd just stopped by to deliver a message. What Mara couldn't figure out – and what was beginning to annoy her greatly – was why everyone was looking at her so strangely. True enough, her own training was incomplete, but that was no reason for the Jedi and their trainees to treat her like some Force-pariah. She was not the one who had lost the ability to touch the Force, after all.

Which was one of the reasons she had regretted letting Skywalker talk her into staying longer at his sith-forsaken academy. Although it had given her a small amount of satisfaction seeing Callista eating alone, detached from the other students. Mara had met Callista – briefly – when she came to the rescue on the Eye of Palpatine, but Mara had spent much of the trip back to Coruscant avoiding her – and Luke, for that matter.

Mara didn't know what had possessed her to sit beside the woman. She certainly didn't have any real desire to speak with her. Although she had come to see Skywalker as an…ally, she supposed, that feeling did not extend to whomever he chose to bed. It wasn't as if she had any particular interest in Skywalker's personal life, anyway.

Maybe it was simply that she preferred to suffer a few minutes with Callista than in the middle of a crowd of Skywalker's starry-eyed acolytes. The lesser of two evils, she surmised. But there had been that small, niggling uncertainty around Callista's presence. Mara hated not knowing where she stood. It was unnecessary, perhaps, but she needed Callista to know her – even if only to know that she meant nothing to her.

_So, you're Skywalker's new lady? _

The delivery had been perfect – a balanced mix of scorn and apathy. As if Callista was simply the latest in a long line of Luke's lovers. Of course, Mara knew that not to be the truth, and chances were Callista did too. But the words had accomplished their purpose. Mara had her place, and now Callista knew it. That was until…

_I've also heard hints you may have been interested in Luke yourself at one time._

It hadn't just been the stew that had caused the bitter, ugly feeling in Mara's mouth. It hurt even worse, now. To have Callista think that she was…interested…in Skywalker…it was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. Anger burned within Mara as she stalked resolutely toward her ship. The _nerve_ that woman had, insinuating there may have been more between her and Luke than…well, mild distaste and resigned acceptance. He saw her as no more than a potential student. She saw him as… Well, the truth was, Mara wasn't exactly sure how she saw him anymore. Perhaps that was what made Callista's words so much harder to shake off.

Skywalker was…Skywalker. The insufferable, self-righteous Farmboy turned Jedi Master himself. She certainly didn't count him among her friends. His ill-timed lectures on the Force and off-centre sense of humour irritated her more than anything else. But…he had helped her overcome the Emperor's zealous control over her mind. He'd shown her kindness, acceptance when she's done nothing to deserve it. He had always been there when she'd needed him, even if it was just someone to…_be with_. Someone who didn't see her as the former-Emperor's Hand, or the successful trader. Skywalker always seemed to look past that. The feeling was comforting. And she couldn't deny it, he'd taught her a great deal about the Force.

But then he said something, did something, that made her hate him all over again.

"Mara!"

She heard the call from the other side of the hanger, clear and crisp across the distance. Mara squared her shoulders and kept walking, a bit more briskly. But it only took a few seconds for him to cross the space and snag her elbow, causing her to stop. Mara snuck a look at him, but did not turn around. He must have run to reach her, but, insufferably, she showed no signs of it. No sweat on his brow, no irregular breathing to indicate he'd just sprinted across the jungle.

Mara cleared her throat. "Skywalker".

Probably realising she wasn't about to face him head on, Luke twisted on his feet until he was standing in front of her. There was a small, accommodating smile on his face. "You promised me a few hours, Jade", he said, with a hint of a reprimand in his tone.

"Once again, Skywalker, your talent for mishearing the truth becomes apparent". She looked at his confused, narrowing eyes and sighed dramatically. "I said I would grab a quick meal and then get out of here. I've done that".

"Yes, well…" Luke folded his arms defiantly. "I had hoped that meal would be undertaken in my presence".

"Ah, but you didn't stipulate that in your demands". Mara felt the beginnings of a smile work their way onto her face.

Luke grinned in return. "I'll make sure to ask Leia to teach me some proper negotiation skills, then".

"That might help". Mara felt her resolve to leave fade away, her smile broadening at the mischievous look on his face. "I'll be expecting a better opponent next time".

"So there will be a next time?" Luke leaned in slightly towards her, a glint of hope in his eye. "You know it means a lot to me when you come here. I realise…that it's not your favourite place to be".

"Well, I told you Skywalker, there are times I do look forward to seeing you". Mara mirrored his action, leaning in close to him. "Don't do anything to dissuade my opinion and…in all probability, there may be a next time".

Luke's smile softened. "Good". His voice was almost a whisper. They were standing so close that Mara could feel his gentle breathe as he spoke, could feel the warmth radiate off his body. With anyone else, she may have pulled away, kept herself distant. But with Skywalker it almost felt right.

They stood that way for several moments, until Mara noticed the almost imperceptible darkening of his eyes. He blinked, as if waking from a dream, and coughed uncomfortably. Obviously he hadn't realised how close their bodies had been to one another, and he stepped back quickly, almost tripping in his haste to distance himself. "I mean…uh…good". He stumbled over the words, eyes darting everywhere except her face. "It's good to see you continuing your training. And it gives you a chance to get to know Callista".

Mara felt the contented smile slip from her face. Carefully, she replaced it with impassiveness_. Callista_. The gravity of the situation she found herself in suddenly hit her. The hanger was empty, but if anyone had seen her and Skywalker, standing so close to one another… especially that weasel Kyp Durron, they would have delighted in running off to tell Callista about it. Probably adding in a few sordid details.

No one else would understand. What had passed between them in those few moments had nothing to do with attraction, or interest. For Sith's sake, Skywalker was the last person in the galaxy she would be interested in. It had been about comfort, acceptance. A silent understanding, for Mara, at least. And perhaps an unspoken promise of friendship, something more than the way they had been dancing around each other for the past few years.

But Luke had jumped away from her…as if they had been doing something wrong. Something unfaithful. That was what turned Mara's melancholy to anger. She glared at him. A chance to know Callista? She knew enough.

"What have you been telling her?" Mara demanded.

"What?" Luke seemed to have recovered from his shock and glared back at her, his hackles raised by her sharp tone.

"Callista. What did you say to her about me?" Mara folded her arms protectively across her chest. "About _you_ and me?"

Luke closed his eyes briefly, and Mara felt him probing at her through the Force. She brutally shoved him away. "Mara, I don't know what you're talking about". He opened his eyes, and she saw genuine confusion in them.

"She seems to be under the impression that I am…_interested_ in you" she spit out the words ruthlessly.

"Interested?" Luke furrowed his brow. "How, as a Jedi? She knows that you have no desire to kill me anymore".

_Don't be so sure about that_, she mused. At any other time, she might find his naiveté amusing, but dark emotions burned within her. "Interested in the way you are _interested_ in her, Skywalker".

"Oh". Comprehension dawned on Luke's face, followed by panic, and finally, disbelief. "That's ridiculous, Mara".

"_I_ know that. Only a fool would be interested in you, Skywalker". She ignored the wince her comment brought to his already tense face. "What I want to know is how she came to that conclusion".

Luke's hand came up to scratch his neck in contemplation. He was calm, despite her harsh words and angered disposition. "It couldn't have been anything I said to her, Mara. I've only told her that you are my friend, about your potential as a Jedi".

"And about the Emperor? I'm sure she was delighted to hear about that". Mara's tone broke slightly

"No!" Luke looked horrified. "What you've told me in confidence, Mara, about your past life…I would never betray you like that". His eyes pleading with her.

"Then, how…"

"Come on, Mara" he took a tentative step towards her. "You know those hologossipers. They've been rumours about us all over the press for years".

Mara felt the first wave of calm permeate her. What he was saying made sense. The holoreporters had started writing about them after Wayland, including her less than savory past. Whenever there was a lack of excitement in the galaxy, they seemed to recycle the story, complete with new (often doctored) images of them together. She'd learnt to ignore it.

"Or maybe it was Han" Luke continued, stepping ever closer to her. "You know how he likes to stir people up".

Mara nodded, once, signalling her acceptance. Her anger drained away as quickly as it had appeared, though some of the bitter resentment remained, sequestered in that hidden place of her heart. "I don't care what people think of me, Skywalker" she told him, her tone noticeably softer. "I just…"

Luke smiled softly at her, and brought his hand to rest lightly on her shoulder. "I know, Mara". He stared intently into her eyes. "I know".

But their peace was short-lived, as Luke's gaze flittered to the mouth of the hanger, and his smile broadened. Mara turned to see the quickly approaching form of Callista, and she shirked away from Luke's gentle touch. She glanced towards her ship, but Skywalker's body effectively cut off her escape route. She would have to face the woman again.

Callista reached them quickly, and it pleased Mara to note that she was slightly out of breath. Without so much as a glance at her, Callista thrust herself into Luke's arms, a coquettish smile on her face. "The students were wondering where the Master was" she said, her voice falsely playful.

"I'm sure he's around somewhere" Luke smiled, bringing an arm around her. It was enough to make Mara feel ill. She began to move, hoping to slip by them unnoticed, but Callista's sharp eyes halted her.

"Leaving so soon, Mara Jade?" she asked, moving closer to Luke's side. Staking her claim, Mara deduced.

"I have more important places to be" Mara said stiffly.

A twisted smile crossed Callista's face. "Like in the company of Lando Calrissian?" she asked, an undercurrent of a sneer to her voice.

"Callista" Luke warned softly. "Mara's private life is her own". But Mara noticed him flinch at the mention of Lando's name. She was intrigued by the obvious disproval of the rumours about her and Calrissian. Mara wondered why he hadn't asked her about them.

Well, Mara wasn't going to do anything to dissuade his opinion, although she'd told Callista the truth. "Certainly more entertaining company than the lot you have here" she shot back, giving Luke the benefit of a long, distasteful look.

"I suppose it would be hard for someone like you to understand" Callista said with mock sympathy.

"Someone like me?" Mara raised an amused eyebrow.

"Your Imperial ties are hardly a secret in the New Republic" Callista added. "I suppose a place like this, so strong with the Force you seem to have abandoned, would bother you".

"Callista!" Luke admonished her again, before Mara could respond. He turned towards her, silently pleading with Mara not to snap back at his lover, to remind her of her own painful loss in the Force.

Mara tried to make herself believe that she simply didn't care. She forced a smirk onto her face. "Well, I may have been wrong about you being entertaining, Callista". She nodded to Luke. "Skywalker. I'm afraid that the next time we were talking about may be later rather than sooner". With that, she turned and stalked resolutely towards her ship.

No, she wouldn't be coming to Yavin anytime soon, not while Callista was still around. She never wanted to be on the same planet as that woman again.

Luke watched sadly as the small ship disappeared into the atmosphere. Mara Jade's visits always seemed too brief. He lamented her reluctance to train fully as a Jedi with him, but a far more acute pain was brought by the loss of her presence itself. Once he was able to get past her durasteel mask, the core of Mara Jade was brilliance itself, pulsating with life, light and the Force. He just wished she would open herself up more to him, but occasions where she allowed her mask to slip were few and far between. But Luke promised himself that, eventually, he would make it past all of her barriers.

Callista wiggled slightly in his arms, seemingly bored with his silent contemplation. "I don't understand why you spend so much energy on her, Luke" she said finally, turning her cloudy grey eyes towards him.

Luke sighed. It was difficult for the outsider to understand his relationship with Mara. There was trust, loyalty and camaraderie. Yes, even friendship, but it as tempered with resistance, antagonism and perhaps even a little fear. Luke knew that she feared the power her could wield if he chose to, what he could become. Maybe that was what caused her to pull away from him so violently, to reject to connection they could have.

Mara Jade was not an easy woman to understand, or care for. Callista, on the other hand, made it very easy. She allowed his affection and love, returning it openly. He pulled her close, and kissed her cropped hair. "It's hard to explain, Callista. Mara and I have been through a lot together" He turned his gaze back towards the sky.

"And we haven't?" Callista's tone was indignant.

Running his free hand through his hair, Luke sighed again. "It's just different with Mara".

"Because she served the Emperor?"

Luke whipped his gaze down towards his lover.

"People talk around this Academy, Luke" she answered his unspoken question. "I know all about her".

"Then you understand why its so difficult for her" Luke hoped that she would begin to see things his way, accept Mara the way he had.

"It _should_ be difficult for her, Luke" Callista turned in his arm and brought both of her hands to cup his face. "You're good. You have the purest spirit I've ever known, full of kindness and compassion. It seems such a waste to spend it on her".

Reluctantly, Luke pulled back from Callista's firm hold. "I don't see any kind of compassion as a waste" he said firmly.

"She _killed_ people, Luke" Callista insisted.

"So have I" Luke regarded her, his eyes softening. "Many more than I am comfortable with".

"That was different, Luke. You were on the right side" Callista took a step towards him, stretching her arms out again.

"And who decides what's right, Callista? The Jedi, the Sith?" He eyes her coolly. "Mara has been a friend to me for a long time. She's a good person. I know if you'd look past your prejudices, you'd see that". Luke gently stepped towards her, surprised to see sudden tears in her eyes. What was it exactly that had caused this friction between the two women? Mara had reacted to Callista just as violently.

"I'm sorry Luke" Callista finally spoke, turning a teary gaze towards him. "I forget how different you are from other people". She smiled softly at him. "I love you for that". Her hands wandered up his chest, coming to rest on his shoulders. "The important thing is to focus on me finding the Force again" she continued. "Nothing else matters".

Gently kissing her forehead, Luke pulled her into a loose embrace. She clung to him tightly, burrowing her head into the soft cloth of his cloak. Luke brought his arms to rest lightly on her back, suddenly troubled. Quietly holding her, Luke pondered the ramifications of this change between them, their altered sense of peace.

He loved Callista, surely. Then why did he feel such uneasiness in his heart?


	6. Chapter 5

**Salinethesaltlakequeen -** I've actually already written/posted the rest of the fic on another site, but in some of the later chapters i've tried to make Callista a bit more three-dimensional. Hope it comes across that way!

**AgiVega** - Thanks for the review - you'llhave to wait a bit to findout what Callista wants, though.

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**Skywalker Apartment, Coruscant. 32 ABY.**

The woman in the mirror stared back at her, judging, criticising. It was not the face that Mara Jade remembered. All of her significant features were still there, the red hair, the green eyes, the athletic build and strong face. But they all were slightly altered, slightly off-centre from the woman she had been. There were more grey than gold strands among the red masses of her hair. Her eyes, too, had darkened slightly, and for the first time, she saw how much of her age she carried there. A few, small wrinkles creased her mouth when she smiled, marking the otherwise taut skin. Years of continued exercise and activity meant she had kept her trim, fit figure, which kept her satisfied enough. But there was the small excess of skin around her belly, where it had stretched during her pregnancy, to accommodate her son. No amount of lightsaber practice had seemed sufficient to get rid of that. Leia had told her, a little too smugly, that she may never lose it. Not at her age.

It wasn't that Mara thought of herself as old, in the same way she didn't think of Luke or Leia as old. Han perhaps. He had a few good years on the lot of them. True, Luke's hair had been streaked with distinguished veins of grey, and he always complained playfully that he was going to end up looking like Ben Kenobi in a few years, but he wasn't _old_. Not in the way he held himself, free from any slump or slouch that indicated deteriorating muscles or a defeated, resigned attitude. His cerulean eyes still burned with the youthful, reckless passion she had seen when they had first met. In Mara's heart and mind, they were both as young as they had ever been.

Which was different from maturity, she supposed. Mara wondered at the woman she had become, and knew that the changes she had undergone were much deeper than the physical. She wondered what had made her pause at the mirror, she wondered how it was possible that she had come this far, to be a wife, a mother, a Jedi Master. All the years had passed by in mere moments, to her mind.

Ben was in his room, quietly sitting by himself, thinking. He did that so much, and Mara couldn't deny that it unsettled her. He wasn't playing with his toys, or watching a holovid. He was just sitting. Luke had said it was nothing to worry about. He had spent much of his solitary childhood the same way, he had told her. Mara thought differently. As a boy, Luke didn't have a lot of other choices. He didn't have many toys, or other children to play with. Ben did. And he chose to sit in contemplation, unwilling to be disturbed or distracted. Then other times, he would be alive, bounding around with excess energy. His actions in Tionne's office had been a prime example – when they'd finally made it there.

"_Ben", Mara called wearily, "Put that down, it's fragile". Ben had only clutched the intricate figurine closer, studying the detailed carvings on the base. _

"_That's alright, Mara" Tionne had cut in gently. "I'm sure he won't break it". _

_Mara snorted. "History disagrees with you". She had long ago learnt to keep anything breakable from Ben's reach. He had quick reflexes, but all too often he was distracted by something else and forgot about the treasure in his hands. And the particular one in Ben's hands happened to be an irreplaceable Rindaon artifact. Mara walked swiftly across the room and gently plucked the figurine from Ben's grasp, putting it on a shelf out of his reach. His lower lip quivered for a moment, and Mara could already see the tears forming in his eyes. She knew the warning signs for a full-blown tantrum, and quickly searched for something to occupy him with. _

_From within the fold of her robe, Mara produced a small puzzle box that Luke had made before he'd left. The small wooden slabs slid around the base, and if pushed correctly, would form an image based on the intricate carvings. She'd meant to give it to Ben earlier, but it had slipped her mind. Grateful for its presence, Mara thrust it at the whimpering child. Immediately his eyes lit up and his previous mood was forgotten. Relief flooded through Mara as she showed Ben how to work it, and he plonked himself on the floor murmuring quietly to himself. _

_Mara returned to her seat at Tionne's desk, and the Jedi smiled gently at her. "Thank the Force for small blessings?" she said, a smile on her lips. _

_Mara nodded vigorously. "Now, what were you saying about the Academy?" She was eager to get the meeting over with before Ben figured out the puzzle box. _

_Straightening in her chair, Tionne resumed her professional tone. "Chief of State Omas is pressuring us to train as many potential Jedi to Knighthood as we are able. Unfortunately, his ideas on possible and ours are somewhat different". _

_Mara nodded again. "He wants as many 'servants' of the government out there as there was during the days of the Old Republic". _

"_Precisely" Tionne, picked up her datapad. "I have told him that is an impossible task. Studying the figures available to me, there are simply not enough fully trained Jedi or Masters among us who are willing or able to take on apprentices". _

"_I know the Solo children aren't exactly keen" Mara added. "And we have agreed that one on one training is essential". _

"_Something the Chief of State does not fully appreciate" Tionne grimaced. _

"_I assume he wants some sort of pompous en masse promotion for all the apprentices, whether they're ready or not?" Mara felt a sense of foreboding fill her. _

"_Something like that". The expression of Tionne's face was no more optimistic. "Unfortunately, I'm afraid he may only listen to Master Skywalker"._

"_Luke does seem to be the only one who can talk sense into him" Mara agreed. _

"_Have you heard from him on Kuat?" Tionne inquired. "I have not received any communication on the status of his mission". _

"_We haven't either". Mara's mouth twitched. It was unlike to go so long without contacting her. She knew if anything had happened to him, she would have felt it, but she worried more these days. She preferred to have her family all on the same planet. "I'm sure this can wait until he returns, though". _

"_I wanted to keep you informed, regardless". Tionne's sharp eyes roamed over her, and Mara could tell she had sensed the change in her mood. "Are you alright, Mara? You seem…unsettled". _

_Mara wanted to tell her – tell anyone about Callista's appearance, to unload her troubles and seek advice, but she decided against it. It wouldn't be fair to Luke. _

"_I'm fine" she answered Tionne. "Just…fine". _

But she wasn't fine. Mara was agitated, cagey. The woman in the mirror stared back at her sceptically. The rational part of her mind to her it was ridiculous to be insecure, to be so anxious about Callista's reappearance. Even if she had come back hoping to rekindle a relationship with Luke, Mara shouldn't feel the need to worry about anything. If there was anything she could ever be sure of, it was Luke's love for her. But there was that small, niggling voice that refused to be silenced.

They hadn't really spoken about Callista after they'd been married. She'd never asked, and Luke certainly hadn't been forthcoming with information. For Mara she had never been an issue, dead to both of them. However having her on Coruscant, very much alive and well, and asking to see Luke…it disturbed Mara more than she cared to admit.

The insistent beeping of her comm. unit forced Mara out of her introspection. A faint tingling went up her spine…she knew it had to be Luke.

* * *

Callista walked blindly through the streets of Coruscant, pulling her cloak firmly around her shivering body. Night had fallen, but the never-ending stream of neon lights from the buildings lit her way. She ignored the world around her, rushing through the crowds, through the back streets to the apartment she had rented.

She couldn't deny it. While her reason for returning to Coruscant had more to do with the Jedi than Luke Skywalker, she had hoped that, after all these years… That he, perhaps, was as lonely as she was. That he could forgive her for leaving him so callously, so abruptly and, maybe…start again.

That seemed an impossible dream, now. Married, with a child. Callista couldn't help but lament over the fact that she was not the wife he cherished, who he had pledged to spend his life with. Callista had felt ice grip her heart when she'd seen Ben.

"_Scuse me" Callista had been enjoying the peace of the gardens when a small boy, running too quickly for his own good, saved himself before he crashed into her leg. She smiled at his politeness, and he turned his gaze upwards, craning his neck to see her properly. She was shocked by the colour, the depth of his eyes, the familiarity of them. _

_The child's face creased as he grinned, which only strengthened her suspicions. She'd known only one other person who could smile so endearingly._

"_Hello" she greeted the child warmly. "Aren't you a little young to be here by yourself?" A quick scan of the surrounding area did not reveal any other presence._

_A small flash of guilt crossed the child's face briefly, before being smothered by a self-assured grin. "I know how to stay out of trouble". _

"_Oh?" Callista dropped carefully to her knees, so that she was eye-level with the boy. _

"_Yep" Ben raised his chin defiantly. "I can tell things about people"._

_Callista felt her eyebrow raise. "How so?"_

"_I can feel things" he said simply, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. _

"_And how do I feel?" Callista asked him cautiously. She knew how her lack of the Force affected others, and she didn't want to frighten he child. _

_The child narrowed his eyes at her, and scrunched up his lower lip, concentrating. "You feel funny" he admitted finally. _

"_Like nothing?" Callista asked him sadly. _

"_No". The boy's eyes peered into hers again. "You feel like a cloudy day. When the sun is hiding". _

_Callista felt something twinge in her heart, but it was not as painful as she had felt before. It was something she had not felt in a long time. Acceptance, perhaps. Human contact – understanding, rather than ignorance. "My name is Callista" she said, smiling sweetly at him. _

_She received another broad grin. "I'm Ben Skywalker"_

So easily, he could have been her own child. With hair that glinted a golden malt rather than red in the sun. It hurt her deeply to remember that she had so flippantly thrown away that possibility. She and Luke had spoken of marriage, in those blissful days on Yavin IV. And children.

She'd been so naive then, so consumed by her own, ludicrous quest to find the Force again. It had not occurred to her that she may be missing out on something, that she was letting opportunity pass her by. She'd been obsessed, devoted to the one thing that she believed would bring her happiness again, but had only brought about her gradual decomposition. The destruction of her life.

For years she had followed the Force, but it had led her astray. That, or her own hopeless dreams. Her Master had once told her that one could not view life through the window of a cockpit, staring ahead into hyperspace. If she focussed too heavily on her eventual goal, her destination, she would pass by too many important things. She would not be able to see what was happening around her, behind her.

The advice came back to her, after another fruitless quest. She had followed some flimsy lead, a scrap of obtuse Jedi lore, and once again it had ended in failure. By then she knew she would not find the answers, but continued on. She knew that something would die inside of her if she gave up, if she accepted defeat. Callista wondered if that was what she was choaking on now. Capitulation to that higher Force, that fate she had always claimed to serve.

It felt so bitter, now.

Knowing that she could have had a child by Luke Skywalker, had a dozen children by him. She had been too selfish, then, too hungry for the Force, for the life of a Jedi, to marry the man she'd loved so deeply. To tell him that they could not risk having a child together, for fear of him being without the Force as she was. She'd been too blinded, too fixated out the cockpit window, to realise that he'd never cared about that. That love, not the Force, was paramount to him. It hurt Callista to live now, knowing she would never be that love to him again. Knowing that the role had been coveted and achieved by another.

She had never hated Mara Jade, although it might have appeared differently. She had envied her terribly. It seemed ludicrous, to be so insecure about the woman, when Luke had pledged his unconditional love to her. It was the connection between them, the bond in the Force that even a child could have realised, that hurt Callista the most. That a former imperial assassin, the very people she had, in her other life, died fighting against, could have such a union with Luke. One that Callista herself could never have again.

Her pain had turned to jealously, twisted into some unnatural resentment. Something that had not lessened over the years. Callista would not allow herself to become angry – she could never permit such danger within herself – but the pain, the throbbing ache within her would always be there. The part that told her Mara Jade was simply not worthy of a man such as Luke, not good enough to bear his child. Not worthy for that child to look at her with such love, such adoration…

The chill in the air seeped into her skin as Callista reached her rented apartment, a dingy, dirty excuse for a living space. It didn't even have a window to view the stars from. She was alone, save for the vicious sounds of brawling from the neighbouring clubs. Of the smell of cleaning fluid that didn't actually seem to sterilise anything at all. In the darkness, Callista Ming wept for her lost hope.

* * *

"Luke?" Mara drank in the holographic presence of her husband, eagerly tracing every line, every contour of his face and body the static image presented. He grinned at her adorably as her voice carried over the voice between them. Even though he was light-years away, too far to properly touch her with the Force without exertion, she still felt a glow fill her. A fortifying of the Luke-place in the back of her mind.

"Mara" he said, his smile fading into an apologetic crease. "I'm sorry I haven't contacted you sooner".

Mara grunted, her pleasure at seeing him twisting into a strange satisfaction at seeing him suffer, just a little. He'd left her hanging, so to speak. "More important things to do, Farmboy?" she asked, the appropriate amount of smarm in her tone.

Her husband's grin returned. "Well, Han did make a point to mention all of the good drinking spots in this system…"

"It wouldn't surprise me if he recommended a brothel to you" Mara said curtly, the beginnings of a smile tugging at the side of her mouth.

"Now my dear" Luke said in an exaggerated drawl. "You know I would never take him up on such advice"

"Not if you valued your life" Mara smiled smugly at him as Luke chuckled amiably. It was these pleasant, playful moments that almost made Mara wish she wasn't married to the galaxy's most influential Jedi Master. That they spend these moments together, rather than through a tentative communications system. That she could _feel _his laugh, feel his breathe against her ear, feel the movements in his chest as it constricted and relaxed. Pushing the thought aside, Mara's concentration refocused on Luke. Inter-stellar communications were not cheap. "How goes the mission then?" she asked, a businesslike tone flooding her voice.

"Quite well" Luke answered placidly. "There are a surprising amount of Force-sensitives here, mostly around Ben's age or a bit younger".

"We can thank the end of the war for that" Mara added. "Not only is there the massive rise in the birth rate, people are more willing to admit to their potential in the Force".

"Or their children's". Luke nodded back at her. "We have found many promising students, and most with enthusiastic families".

Mara felt her smile become slightly sardonic. "And dare I ask how Master Durron his faring?"

"You know Kyp". Luke smiled. "Out to prove himself, as always. He's become quite a hero to some of the locals"

"He didn't pull that flashy, obnoxious, walking-on-fire trick, did he?" Mara smirked.

"Funny. He's actually shown quite a bit of promise in his teaching. I'll think he'll be prepared to take on another apprentice, soon".

"Speaking of which" Mara began, remembering her earlier conversation with Tionne. "Omas seems to have taken an interest in the way the new Academy will be run. Apparently, we won't be churning them out fast enough". Mara felt a twinge of acrimony run through her.

Luke sighed, running his hand wearily across his face in newfound frustration. "Just one of many problems awaiting me when I return?"

"Unless you're planning on retirement" Mara answered dryly.

"That doesn't seem too likely". Luke conceded. "Can I say hello to Ben?" he asked, lightening the conversation.

Mara cast a glance to the closed door of Ben's bedroom. "I don't think now's a good time" she said reluctantly. It would be disappointing for Luke not to be able to see his son. "He's in one of his 'thinking' moods".

"I understand" a wave of sadness passed over Luke's face. "I don't want to disturb him. I'll be home in a few days".

"Good" Mara said resolutely. Their separation had been long enough.

"Ah" a mischievous twinkle formed in Luke's eye. "Does Mara Jade actually admit to missing me? To perhaps needing me?"

"Just hurry home, you nerf"

Luke smiled sweetly. "I love you".

The communication ended, and Mara couldn't help but feel slightly bereft. It then occurred to her that she'd not mentioned Callista to him at all.


	7. Chapter 6

**Calrissian Apartment, Kessel Station. 12 ABY**

The décor was pleasing, she had to admit. Kessel Station had originally been an Imperial facility, but surprisingly, Lando had managed to disguise that fact rather well. The style of the apartment was flashy and ostentatious, not at all to her particular tastes. But certainly to Lando's. But using a fairly objective eye, Mara rather approved of Calrissian's accommodations.

"I still find it hard to believe you're actually living here" Mara called out to him.

A resonating chuckle came from the other room. "Well, my dear, someone has to keep an eye on our little investment" Lando said as he appeared in the doorway, two half-full glasses in his hand. "Your dedication to the Smuggler's Alliance is admirable, but I fear one of us has to be on the front lines". He handed her one of the beverages. Corellian whiskey, she deduced.

"Why do our meetings always start off with you attempting to liquor me up?" Mara eyed the amber liquid sceptically.

Lando cocked a dark eyebrow and took a seat on the chaise opposite her. "You would impugn my honour in such a way, Jade?"

"Yes".

He laughed heartily and leaned back into his seat. "That's what I like about you, Jade. Sharp as a bantha tusk".

Mara ignored the comment, and threw back her whiskey, enjoying the way it burned her throat. She'd been feeling so numb, lately.

Lando gave her an amused look and took a tentative sip of his own. "So, here for business, Jade?" He cocked a smile at her. "Or pleasure?"

Mara scowled at him. "The only pleasure I could have with you, Calrissian, involves a blaster, a dark alley and no witnesses".

An insufferable cackling was her only answer. Mara imagined Lando had started drinking before she arrived. She sighed, and pressed her shoulders back against her high-backed chair. It was going to be one of those nights.

"Come'on, Jade" Lando drawled, rasing his glass towards her. "I've been talking business all day".

"I'm not one for pleasantries, Calrissian, you know that" she said sharply.

"It was one of the first things I noticed about you, Mara" He sipped casually at his drink. "No preamble, just straight to the bare, naked truth" he tilted a suggestive eyebrow at her. "I like that in a woman".

Mara rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to get anything out of you tonight, am I?"

"Depends what you want".

Mara gave him a harsh look, and raised abruptly to her feet. There was a time when she would have left the apartment without a word. But as much as she riled against it, Mara found that she had grown used to Lando's innuendo and affection. She tolerated it, because she knew he would never take it further than words, not if she didn't encourage it.

Mara found herself heading towards Lando's kitchen, or more specifically, to the counter on which a mostly-full bottle of Corellian whiskey rested. She found herself pouring another healthy glass of the potent drink. After a moment's contemplation, she picked up the bottle itself, bringing it back into Lando's living room. Sexual overtures aside, she didn't intently dislike his company. And tonight, perhaps – she needed to be with someone who didn't expect anything from her.

As she re-entered the room, Mara almost smiled at the slightly shocked look to his face. But he quickly smothered it with a charming grin. She placed the whiskey on the glass table in front of him, but remained standing.

"Challenging me to a drinking competition, Jade?" Lando said teasingly.

"Hardly" she quipped. "As much as I'd like to see you cowering in defeat…" she added as an afterthought.

"My dear, a gentlemen _never_ cowers" Lando puffed out his chest and raised his glass in a salute.

"So you wouldn't have a problem with it, then?" She smothered a smile and turned towards the room-length window behind her. It certainly was the crowing jewel of the apartment. It added such ambience, the stars glistening over the smoky, mine-marred planet.

"If I didn't know better, Mara" Lando continued, and Mara could hear the comfortable teasing in his voice. "I would say all of this blatant hostility was masking an undeniable attraction on your part".

Mara merely grunted, taking another sip of the strong alcohol.

"So how _is_ Luke?"

Mara stiffened at the name. What had made him bring up Skywalker? Slowly, she turned back to face Lando. "What?" she asked, deliberately keeping her emotions in check.

"Word is that you've seen him recently"

Mara folded her arms across her chest, gazing at him sceptically. "And whose word would that be?"

Lando said nothing, and smiled secretively into his drink.

"I see". She pursed her lips. "I suppose I can round down the list of suspects to that good-for-nothing Solo".

"I saw him on Coruscant last week, in fact". Lando swirled his drink nonchalantly.

"Then why didn't you ask him how Skywalker is?" Mara wasn't sure if she liked where this conversation seemed to be headed.

"I did". Lando smiled smugly. "Han said he'd only just left, with a certain ravishing beauty in tow".

"If you dare say 'the blonde with the legs'…" Mara growled.

"Not to worry my dear" he looked up at her sweetly. "You know I only have eyes for you".

"I'm sure".

Lando leaned forward casually to refill his glass. "Han did happen to mention Luke saying you'd payed him a visit on Yavin".

"Hardly a newsworthy event" Mara commented.

"Yes, but from what I hear, things were not exactly…harmonious…between the two of you".

"Is nothing is sacred over Sabacc?" Mara shook her head in frustration. "Smuggler's are the galaxy's worst gossip-mongers".

"Including yourself in that broad analysis, Jade?" Lando smirked at her.

Mara clenched her fists and turned away from him again. "What happens between me and Skywalker is none of your business" she said coolly.

"I think you're jealous".

Mara whirled around to face him again, emotions reeling from the accusation. "What?" A familiar anger started the bubble within her.

"Jealous, Jade" Lando sat passively, as if his words were not having the slightest effect on her.

"I've heard some ludicrous things come out of that mouth of yours, Calrissian" She kept her voice even. "But you've outdone yourself".

Lando kept grinning inanely at her. "Come'on, Mara. Everyone knows that you are partial to Luke's company".

"Perhaps everyone needs to pay a little bit more attention" Mara snapped. "And stop listening to holo-gossipers".

"I'm not saying you're in love with him, Jade" Lando shrugged his shoulders. "But I've seen the two of you together. In your own little world" He waved his hands for emphasis. "For years, now, Luke's been hanging off your every word, grateful for any scrap of attention you give him. I'm his friend too, Mara" he reminded her. "I know these things about him". He gave her a knowledgeable nod of his head.

"Then all of a sudden, Callista shows up…and he doesn't seem to have as much time for you anymore" Lando continued. "You feel slighted that he's not begging you to spend time with him. After Leia, you were the most important woman in his life, and now you've been replaced" He smirked. "And you're jealous".

Slowly, the irritation inside Mara had been building to anger at Lando's words. It flared white-hot and bubbled over. "I am not…jealous of that" she struggled to find the words "…ignorant, self-obsessed, Force-devoid…body snatcher!" She spat out the words like fire. They tasted acidic on her tongue.

But Lando simply leaned his head back, and a hearty laugh escaped his lips. Mara crossed her arms, embarrassment flooding her as Lando continued to chortle. "Body snatcher" he chuckled to himself, shaking his head. "You're one of a kind, Jade".

Mara sighed, allowing herself to sink into the couch, not quite beside, but near Lando. "I'm glad I've provided you with an evening's entertainment" she muttered, reaching forward to pour herself another drink. She threw it back quickly, and coughed at the sensation it caused in her throat.

"But am I right?" Lando eyed her eagerly.

Mara ignored him, staring at the way the light reflected off the crystal glass as she moved it between her hands. There had been an undercurrent of truth to Lando's words that Mara just couldn't admit to herself. She wasn't jealous – jealously was such a disfigured word, and not nearly enough to describe how she felt. In fact, if Mara was honest with herself, she wasn't sure if she even _could_ describe how she felt.

"Come on, Jade. Truth time" He continued to goad her.

"I find it hard to believe you've come up with this by yourself, Calrissian" she eventually managed to say, her voice cold. "This theory of yours has the distinct impression of Solo on it"

Lando shrugged his shoulders and grinned wickedly. "I confess, Han did start me thinking about it. He's always had this insane hunch about the two of you".

Mara clenched her fists. So it _had_ been Han that had given Callista the impression about her and Luke. Briefly, she imagined what would be the quickest and easiest way to dispatch him.

"But I did some fine tweaking myself" Lando continued proudly. "Based on observation of your fair person".

Mara felt horribly exposed. She crossed her arms over herself protectively. She didn't know how to convince everyone of the truth, partly because she didn't know what the truth was.

"You have to admire Luke's taste" Lando continued to speak heedlessly. "Although, from what I hear, Callista does seem a little…blank".

"I thought you would have liked the simpering, silent type of woman" Mara found her voice, her tone grating, stumbling over the spiteful words.

"I'm a gambler, Mara" he reminded her. "I love a challenge".

Mara found herself turning her gaze towards the man next to her. She studied him, perhaps for the first time since they'd known each other. There was no denying that he was a handsome man. His thick crop of dark hair framed a clean-cut, rounded face, and his sensuous eyes had the ability to captivate most women. A winning smile blazed beneath his stylishly cropped moustache, perfectly straight teeth gleaming. He had the outward confidence and striking looks of a holo-star. He was attractive, that fact Mara had always known. It was just that she had never admitted it to herself.

"Personally" Lando continued, unaware of her close examination. "I can't see how Luke could notice anyone but you. Cray was a looker, that's for sure, but my dear, you have something else". He patted her leg affectionately. Mara found that she had no desire to forcibly remove the appendage.

It would be so easy – just to press her lips to his, to forget about everything and everyone…especially Luke Skywalker. She'd done it more times than she could count in the past. When she'd been drifting from one job, one system to another in those unsure days before she's joined Karrde's organisation. Hopelessly empty from the loss of her Emperor, trying desperately to fill the void with anything she could. Men had bought her dinks willingly, and back then, she had let them. Consumed everything they had to offer – their companionship, mixed in with a haze of alcohol and spice.

It had never been enough to fill her, to heal the holes in her heart. But it had often been pleasant, even if it was only for a few brief. She'd been able to free herself of the past, of her memories, of the drudgery of her life. It wouldn't be any different, now.

The treacherous thoughts within Mara had propelled her forward, closer to Lando, and she rested her hand gently on his, still on her leg. He'd stopped speaking by that point, the last compliment caught in his throat.

She looked into his eyes, and noticed just how dark they were. So unlike –

She banished the thought from her mind. That was the whole purpose of the exercise.

"Mara…" he said softly, warily, perhaps, as he caught her intention. She leaned in closer, saying nothing. In the past, it had never been about words. It had been about instinct, about need.

But she caught the look in his eyes, as his hand came up to rest on her arm. His grip was firm. Halting. The suddenness of her regret flooded her, as she understood fully what she'd been about to do. Mara realised that she could never do that to herself, or to Lando. Despite appearances to the contrary, he was a good man. He had his honour, and his pride. He'd been a good friend to her, although she was loathe to admit it. She couldn't use him in this way, and he wasn't about to let her. Mara felt her insides curl around themselves and she withdrew, embarrassed.

When Lando finally spoke, his voice was soft, and more serious than she'd ever heard it. "Despite what you may think, Mara, not everything is sport to me". He didn't look at her, his face staring stoically at the starline through the window.

Turning away from him, Mara berated herself. She couldn't believe she had let herself slip like that. That person – she was in her past. Gone, or so Mara thought.

"Don't think that I don't want you Mara" His voice was steady as she coiled away from him. "You'll never know how much I…" Lando sighed softly. "But I can't be a substitute for anyone".

She blocked his voice out, not wanting to hear his words. That made them real. Mara reached a shaking hand forward, to find comfort and inhibition in the whiskey bottle, forgotten on the table. Her slim fingers clutched the crystal neck forcefully, to halt the trembling.

It was only then that she realised the bottle was empty.


	8. Chapter 7

**Salinethesaltlakequeen - **Thanks so much! All of my fic is on my website (listed in my profile)

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**Skywalker Apartment, Coruscant. 32 ABY**

He had returned. Anticipation mingled with a slight anxiety as Mara felt her husband's presence approach. She would have gone to meet him at the spaceport, but Ben was sleeping soundly in his room and she didn't want to disturb him, or leave him unattended. And there was a part of her that wasn't quite sure how she would react to seeing Luke again, and was positive that whatever happened, she didn't want a hanger of people watching.

To an outside observer, she would seem the epitome of calm. Sitting quietly on the couch, one legs crossed over the other, her hands resting demurely in her lap. But underneath the surface, Mara's emotions were tumultuous, spinning out of control within her. Anxiety ate at her, her heart beginning to beat erratically as she heard him key in his access code. Finality bore down on her as the door slid open, and Luke stepped through.

Mara stole a few seconds to absorb the vision of him. He was still dressed in a flightsuit, appropriately wrinkled, blemished by a few patches of grime. His lightsaber swung from his waist as it always did, gleaming in contrast to the rest of his attire. His short hair was dishevelled and untidy, unable to be smoothed down by the running through of his fingers. And finally, his face, creased with an adorable Skywalker grin, hiding the tiredness of his visage, his eyes radiating with pleasure at the sight of her.

She crossed the five paces across the room before he could speak, and pressed her lips to his hungrily. Mara claimed him harshly, her arms tightly wound around his neck, pressing him closer to her. The kiss was primeval, perhaps, possessive, certainly, but Mara didn't really care. All she was concerned about was his lips on hers, eagerly returning her overtures, about his hands working their way around her hips and up across her back. It was a frenzied, zealous embrace, but immensely satisfying.

"Wow" Luke murmured as she pulled away smugly. "So you _did_ miss me".

Mara smiled, and leaned in to kiss him again. It was soft this time, loving. "You could say that" she murmured back, basking in his presence as he reached out to her through their bond.

"Maybe I should go away more often, if that's the homecoming I receive" he countered playfully, gently tickling her sides.

Marta knew the comment was teasing, but something inexplicable twisted in her heart. Her sudden good mood vanished, leaving her feeling cold. She disentangled herself from his embrace, both physically, and through the Force.

"Mara?" he asked her, clearly confused at her reaction.

She clamped her mouth shut, and turned away from him, crossing her arms defensively.

"Mara, what's wrong?" he asked again, taking a step towards her.

"Nothing" she replied, a little too quickly. "Just…something happened while you were away, and I need to talk to you about it".

"Alright" he said uncertainly. "Just let me say hello to Ben".

"He's sleeping".

"I'll just check in on him" He moved towards Ben's room.

"No, Luke, I…" Mara began, but found her resolve falter and disappear. "Nothing" she said, falling into her previous position on the couch.

Maybe it was something in her tone, or perhaps it was a change in the Force, but Luke halted, turning back around to face her. "Mara?"

"Luke?" She knew that it would be easier just to tell him – but she couldn't. She couldn't physically form the words.

"What did you have to tell me?" Luke advanced on her, his voice firm.

"It can wait". She avoided his eyes.

"No, Mara". He moved to sit beside her, reaching for her hand. She allowed his fingers to wind between hers, but resisted his probe through the Force. "You attack me the moment I walk through the door, and now you're shutting me out. Please tell me what's wrong".

Mara squeezed his fingers slightly, in reassurance. "It's really not that important" she lied. "I told you that something happened while you were gone. The truth is…someone happened".

Luke furrowed his brow. "Surely Omas hasn't been that much of an issue while I've been away".

"No, it's not him" Mara shook her head. She closed her eyes and mentally prepared herself. "It's…Callista".

When she heard nothing but silence, Mara opened her eyes. Luke looked stunned. She could see him trying to speak and having little success. "I don't know why, Luke, but she's back on Coruscant" Mara explained. "And I don't think she really has any intention of leaving".

Luke blinked blankly at her, and he swallowed heavily. Suddenly, he dropped her hand and stood up, turning away from her. "Oh".

Shocked, Mara stared at her husband's back. She tried to reach out for him with the Force, but he felt…empty. Devoid. A sudden irritation filled her. She wasn't sure how she had expected him to react, but it certainly hadn't been like this. "That's all you've got to say?" She snapped.

She heard him sigh, saw his shoulders rise and fall deeply. "How would you like me to respond, Mara?" he asked coolly.

"I don't know" Mara rose to her feet. "Anger, irritation, curiosity…happiness? There's a whole spectrum of emotions to choose from, Luke".

He turned around to face her again, a concerned expression on his face. "You didn't hurt her, did you Mara?"

"You think that I would?" Mara asked, disbelieving.

"I know your relationship with her has always been…well, volatile" Luke admitted.

"But to actually cause her bodily harm?" Mara was indignant.

Luke sighed. "It was just a question, Mara".

"An unreasonable one!" Her voice raised several notches. She calmed herself and looked at him questioningly. "Is that what you think of me?"

"Come one, Mara. Don't tell me the thought didn't cross your mind" Luke persisted.

Mara faltered slightly. "That's not the point Luke. You're deflecting the issue".

"Which is?" Luke clasped his hands in front of him.

Mara threw him a venomous look. "The fact that you haven't given any indication of how you feel about Callista being back".

"Mara". Luke passed her and sank into an armchair. "I don't know what to feel. I never expected to see Callista again. I thought that in all likelihood, she was dead. I'm _happy_ that she's not. I'm _curious_ as to why she's returned. I'm _conflicted_ because there are unresolved issues between us. I'm _concerned_ that you are so upset by it". He glared at her defiantly. "Are those enough emotions for you?"

"You're still in love with her" Mara accused him.

"What?" Luke scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous"

"Why else would you react this way?"

"You're the one who is overreacting in this situation" he shot back.

"Overreacting to the fact that my husband's ex-lover has returned from the dead? Again?" She spat at him.

"Mara…"

"Or overreacting to the fact that he seems to feel that I should just accept it? " Mara's voice faltered. "Because I can't, Luke. I can't handle her being here, disrupting my life".

Luke stood and clenched his fists. "That's it, isn't it, Mara? It's _your_ life, not mine, or ours". He shook his head, disbelievingly. "I thought we'd come further than that".

"I thought we had, too" She remarked spitefully. "But Callista shows up and we've reverted back twenty years. I'm cut off from you again, and all you can think about is her".

Luke gave her a long look. "I never picked up on this insecurity of yours, Mara"

"That doesn't surprise me. It's not like you're here long enough to notice".

"Is _that_ what this is about?" Luke questioned her.

"No, Skywalker". She advanced slowly on him, her voice loud and harsh. "This about the fact that after ten years and all we've been through together I find out that you're still harbouring feelings for that…paramour".

"How can you believe that I don't love you?" he asked, his voice suddenly soft, tempered with a suppressed fury. "That I don't care for you more than anything, more than my own life?" His voice broke with emotion. "I know we haven't had that much time with each other, lately…but I didn't think things had changed this much". There was desperation in his tone, a melancholy that Mara chose to ignore.

"Well, they have" she retorted, turning briskly on her heel and enclosing herself in the bedroom. As the door whipped shut behind her, Mara leaned her head against the cool metal, wondering what in the Force's name had just happened.

* * *

With a heavy heart, Luke quietly made his way into his son's darkened room. He tried not to think about his argument with Mara. He didn't know what had caused her to react so violently, or him for that matter. They hadn't had an argument that bad since…well, Luke wasn't sure he couldn't remember. 

A small glow of the night-light illuminated the bed, and Ben's still form. He appeared to be sleeping soundly, his small chest rising and falling rhythmically, his easy breaths the only sound in the room. Luke smiled, and turned back to the door. Ben, like his mother, tended to be a restless sleeper, and Luke preferred to let him get the rest.

Then, suddenly, Luke felt an almost imperceptible flicker in the Force. He turned back around, and honed in on the sensation. It heightened, revealing a slight panic originating from the child on the bed.

"Ben?" Luke asked softly. The flicker died down slightly, but Luke could feel the underlying effort behind the action. A slight sadness overcame him as Luke moved to sit on the unoccupied portion of the bed.

"Ben?" he asked again, placing his hand gently on Ben's forearm. By this time it was clear that the boy was awake, and had been trying to hide it. A pang of – something – struck Luke's heart. Why didn't his son want to see him? Ben had always been exuberant when Luke had returned from a trip offworld. What had changed?

Finally, Ben rolled over, his eyes fluttering open to reveal smoky grey depths. It was clear from the contrite look on his face that he was aware of being discovered. Luke almost moved his Force sense to envelop his son, but thought better of it. He didn't want to impose his presence if Ben was intent rejecting it.

Luke tried to make light of the situation, a false, easy smile forming on his face. "Not even a hello for me, Ben?" The tone was teasing, but Luke could not hide the distressed undertones.

Ben looked away, his eyes focussing on the opposite wall. "Hi, Dad" he said dully, without any feeling.

"What's wrong, Ben?" Luke's asked, concerned. The boy didn't answer, and continued to stare morosely at the wall.

Started to become worried, Luke reached out in the Force to his son, but was rebuffed by a solid wall. He reeled back, not daring to try and break through the firm barrier's his son had built around himself.

"Ben, please. Aren't you happy to see me?" It was an unfair question, but quite frankly, Luke was becoming quite scared by his son's behaviour. Mara hadn't said anything about it, but on the other hand, they hadn't really had a chance to say that many rational things to each other. But surely if Ben was acting so strangely, that would take precedent over the news of Callista. Wouldn't it?

Still staring at the wall, Ben sighed loudly. "You'll just go away again" he mumbled, and his shields slipped a little. Luke caught a glimpse of loneliness break through, and it made his heart ache. He reached out to draw Ben into an embrace, but the child escaped, leaping up until he was standing on the opposite side of the bed. "You always say you're going to be staying this time. But – but you always leave again". Frustration reeled off of him.

"Ben…" Luke ran a hand over his tired face. He was not in the best condition to be dealing with this. "Ben" he tried again. "I know you want me here, believe me, I want to be here too. But I have a responsibility to the Jedi – to the government". The words sounded trite even to his own ears. He could almost imagine what Mara would say. _You have a responsibility to your son, first_.

"And Ben…you know I'll always come back" he said as an effort at appeasement.

But the statement only made Ben's lower lip quibble. "But what if you don't?" he said softly, fearfully.

This time Luke didn't hesitate. He leapt over the bed and gathered Ben into his arms, holding him in a vice grip against his chest. "Nothing will ever, _ever_, keep me from you, Ben" he said firmly.

Ben sniffed quietly in his arms. "You promise?" he asked, his words partly muffed by Luke's tunic.

The words halted him for a second. There was no way he could actually promise him that. Anything could happen, with the Vong, with any new enemy of the government, of the Jedi. The galaxy may never be safe for them. It was dishonest, and unfair, to make such a vow to his already troubled son.

"I promise" he whispered assuredly, quashing the doubts in his mind and drawing his arms tighter around Ben.

They held each other for several minutes, and Luke was relieved to feel Ben opening his Force sense up to him slightly. The wall was still there, but it had become a little more transparent. Luke wondered whether he would ever be allowed to break through completely. He had succeeded with Mara in that respect. Although he couldn't help but think that Ben might turn out to be more stubborn that either of them. Luke wasn't sure whether to be comforted by that fact, or concerned.

"I'm sorry, Dad" Ben finally spoke up, as he disentangled himself from Luke's embrace. Luke furrowed his brow, and was tempted not to let Ben pull away, but worked against the impulse. He couldn't coddle him.

"What are you sorry for, Ben?" Luke asked gently, sitting down on the bed again.

"Bein' so sad" Ben said simply, crawling up the spread to sit beside his father.

Luke looked into the angelic, wide eyes of his son, noticing that they had cleared somewhat. "You shouldn't ever be sorry about how you feel" Luke told him firmly. "About who you are".

"I was okay, but…" Ben's voice halted hesitantly, and he looked down at his hands, clasped securely in his lap.

"But what?" Luke prompted. It would do him no good to keep his feelings inside, unspoken. Luke knew how difficult that was to keep up.

Shifting awkwardly in his position, Ben twisted his fingers around themselves. "I heard you fighting with Mama" he said uncertainly.

A twinge of regret worked its way into Luke's already troubled mind. His conversation with Mara was the last thing Luke had wanted his son to hear. Their angry words to one another must have pained him greatly. "Your mother and I fight all of the time" Luke tried to reassure him. "You don't have to worry about that".

"But that's different" Ben tried to explain. "That feels kind of…tingly.

Almost nice. But it hurts, now".

Luke's gut twisted at the words. He recalled the damning anger that must have been radiating both of them, that must have bled into Ben's Force awareness. Silently, he berated himself for not shielding the emotions properly. There was a time where it would have been second nature to him, to guard his defences like that. But in his years with Mara, and now with Ben, he had slackened in that regard. Had learnt to open himself up, to allow himself to flow into them. Now, that freedom had hurt the one thing he cared about the most.

"I'm sorry, Ben" he said finally. "Your mother and I…we, well…" He sighed heavily. How could he possibly explain to him why Mara had been so angry, make Ben understand what kind of trouble Callista had caused between them? "When two people don't agree on something, they have to talk about it" he began. "They have to reach a common ground, they have to understand what the other person it feeling. You mother and I didn't mean to be angry with each other, but sometimes that's they easiest way to come to an agreement. Do you understand?"

Ben nodded, but it was tentative, and uncertain.

"It doesn't mean that we love each other any less" Luke finished, hoping that the explanation was sufficient. But Ben looked more troubled that ever, and refused to look up at him. Luke placed a hand on his small shoulder, and Ben mumbled something he couldn't quite hear.

"What, Ben?" he asked, gently.

The boy hung his head even lower, in – shame? "Was my fault" he muttered again.

"The fight?" Luke was surprised. That was the last thing he'd expected to hear. "No, Ben, no - "

"It was!" Ben shouted, turning a tear-filled gaze upwards. "It was about 'Lista…I heard!". A few, salty tears began to run down his cheeks as he sang out the pain within him. "Because ran away and met her…I thought she was nice, but…" his lip quivered. "It just made Mama sad. Because of me"

"No, Ben" Luke said resolutely, pulling Ben back into his lap. "No, it's not your fault, don't ever think that". He stroked the soft strawberry-blond hair and flew out in every direction, holding Ben closely to him. The tears began to seep into his tunic, but Luke only held him tighter. "There are things that happened in the past…that I can't tell you about". That really, Luke admitted, he didn't even want to think about. "But none of it has to do with you, or is because of you". Luke closed his eyes, willing back his own tears. "The only one whose made your mother sad is me" he said softly.

Luke held his son, enveloping him with his arms, and more importantly, with a comforting blanket of the Force. He allowed Ben to register his words, and calm himself down. Relief overwhelmed Luke when he felt a sense of understanding flicker inside of Ben. "I love you" he murmured softly into his hair, gently fortifying Ben's Force sense.

He felt, rather than heard, a hushed "Love you too" from his son, and felt a sense of equanimity return. He continued to hold Ben, gently rocking him in his arms, perhaps a little concerned about his sensitivity. It wasn't the first time he had erupted into tears like that, but it had certainly been the worst. Briefly, Luke wondered whether it was usual for a child his age, or whether Ben's extreme sensitivity to the Force made him more impressionable, more susceptible to distress.

"Did lots of bad things happen when I was little, Dad?" Ben's more composed, but still shaky voice refocussed Luke's attention. A part of him wanted to remind Ben flippantly that he was still little, but the memories assaulted him. Luke thought of Anakin, of his life cut so short when Ben was still so young. About the billions of people who died, who were enslaved or tortured. About the lives and planets lost. "Yes, Ben" he admitted. "A lot of bad things happened".

"I feel the bad things, sometimes, Dad" Ben's face contorted, almost as if he was in pain. "It feels all prickly, and it makes my head hurt". He brought his small hands up to cover his ears. "It's so loud, Dad." One more tear slipped down Ben's cheek and he hiccuped. "It hurts" he wailed again.

Luke felt his heart break as he tightened his hold. "I know it hurts, Ben". He whispered softly, knowing from experience that his words would bring no comfort. "I know".


	9. Chapter 8

**Salinethesaltlakequeen - **Thank you! I'm glad you've enjoyed it. I did enjoy writing little Ben for this fic...I don't have any other plans for him in the future, but you never know...

**AgiVega** - Thanks! There is a reason for Mara's overblown jealously, which will come to light eventually. I do like writing Luke and Ben interaction, because we just don't see enough of it in the profic.

Less angst, more mush for this chapter.

* * *

Luke entered their shared bedroom with apprehension, but it was soon replaced with concern when he realised Mara was not there. Indescribable fear struck him for a moment as he saw Mara's travel bag lying on the bed, obviously packed and ready to go. But rationality managed to work its way into Luke's mind just as swiftly. If the bag was still there, then so was Mara. A quick sweep of the Force located her barricaded presence on the balcony adjourning the main room of their apartment. Which, to Luke's relief, meant she wasn't going to be storming off into the night. Just yet, anyway.

His first instinct was to join her, but the harsh rebuttal of her Force presence when he had reached out to her convinced him otherwise. Perhaps it was best to give her a few more minutes of peace, hopefully to calm down. He needed a shower desperately, anyway.

It was close to an hour later when Luke finally made his way through the glass doors that led to their outdoor terrace. It was large, enough for outdoor entertaining and separate from their own, private balcony that adjourned their bedroom. Mara was seated in one of the durasteel chairs, facing away from him, towards the horizon. The moonlight played across her pale skin, and he could see the small bumps that pimpled the skin of her bare arms. She hadn't bothered to put on a jacket, despite the low temperature of the Coruscant night.

"Mara" he began softly, stepping cautiously towards her. "You're cold".

She didn't turn to face him, her gaze fixed to cascade of lights that littered the skyline. She folded her arms and answered him in a chilled tone. "Physically or emotionally?"

Luke took a final step towards her, and placed a warm hand on her icy shoulder. "Mara…" he said again, an entreaty this time.

"Don't, Luke". She shied away from his touch, and he understood the message clearly. He would like nothing more than to take her into his arms and forget that they had ever argued, and if he pressed her, she would allow it. But they needed to talk.

Luke reluctantly withdrew his hand. "At least come inside". But Mara simply crossed her arms across her chest, and said nothing. Her intentions were clear, though. She wasn't going to allow him to chose the battlefield or set the rules. The thought made him pause, as he slowly made his way to the other side of the terrace, to the furthest chair possible. When did he start think of them as opponents again? He settled back uncomfortably into the cold, durasteel chair, and waited for her first move.

It didn't come. Luke tried to reach out to her through the Force, but he met a solid, impenetrable wall. The blockage in their connection caused a slight ache within him. It had been years since she had rejected him in this manner. In fact, the last time she had closed in around herself like this was when she had been ill with the Vong disease. Luke had forgotten how bereft it made him feel.

"Mara". He tried again, but received no sign of acknowledgement from his wife. Irritability began to seep through him. "Why are you acting like this?" Luke honestly didn't understand why she had become so upset. Obviously Callista's return would upset her, but he would never have imagined to this extent. But he couldn't think of a way to remedy the situation, especially if she was shutting him out so effectively.

"I know you love me, Luke". Mara's soft, well-defined voice finally cut through the air.

"What?"

"I know you love me" she said again, her gaze fixed to the horizon. "Before…you asked how I could believe that you didn't".

"Oh". Luke couldn't deny that he'd had his moments of doubt. He'd been so angry at the way she'd reacted, almost as if he didn't trust what they shared together, didn't believe enough in his love for her.

He was expecting her to continue, but she remained silent. Luke cleared his throat, but knew he had to broach the subject. "I saw you packed a bag". He tried to say it gently, but it came out like an accusation. "Were you planning on going somewhere?"

Mara bowed and tilted her head slightly, hiding her expression in the curtain of her hair. "I thought about it" she admitted.

"But ultimately decided against it?" Luke pressed his advantage, hoping to get her to open up.

"I love your sister, Luke, but she asks far too many questions".

"I see". Luke pondered for a moment. "You could have slept on the _Shadow_".

Mara finally removed her gaze from the skyline, throwing him a wary look. "I suppose" she replied uncertainly.

"I'm just curious as to why you stayed, seeing as running away has always served you so well" The words had more bite than he'd intended, and he regretted them immediately.

She appeared wounded, and swallowed heavily. "I'm not like that anymore".

"I know". Luke leaned forward on his chair, regretful. "I didn't mean-"

"Yes you did" Mara cut him off. "Or you wouldn't have said it".

"Mara…"

"You're right".

Luke stared at her incredulously. Mara certainly wasn't afraid to admit her failures when she was in the wrong, but that very rarely happened. She much preferred to improve her character flaws independently than to talk about them.

"I thought I had changed, Luke" she began. "Becoming your wife, being a mother to Ben, all taking me away from that woman I used to be. The one that secretly hated herself but wouldn't admit it". Mara's tone was decisive and calm, but Luke could sense the overwhelming emotions that she kept at bay, just beneath the surface. "But when I saw her, when I saw your reaction…all of it came rushing back. All of the insecurities about myself, all of the selfish pride, the need to be in control…to instinct to keep you at a distance".

"I never knew where I stood when you were with her, Luke" she continued, not daring to turn to face him. "But I felt like she was encroaching on my territory…Force, that sounds so ridiculous" Mara shook her head, her loose curls swinging in front of her face. She sighed and appeared to regather her thoughts

"The truth is…." Mara looked skyward, a small, self-deprecating smile forming on her face. "I was jealous".

"What?" Luke was shocked – he'd never expected an admittance like that from Mara. Had he been so blind during that time, to have not seen, or felt, her emotions?

"I didn't love you – not then" Mara was quick to reassure him. "I don't really know what I felt…except that I couldn't stand seeing her with you. It hurt me to know that you loved her, and….It still does".

That was the crux of it, Luke realised. Why she'd reacted so violently to his silence, hearing about Callista. It had brought old, untreated insecurities to the surface.

Mara drew up her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them protectively. "I just don't understand". He heard her unspoken words. _Because I've only ever loved you. _

She would never express that aloud, Luke knew. But she couldn't hide the pain she felt, thinking about his past romantic entanglements. He'd never had a problem with her past lovers, when they'd made full disclosures to one another. But, none of the men Mara had ever slept with had meant anything to her emotionally. He wondered if his feelings would be the same if she had been deeply in love with one of them, if she had cared for another man the way she loved him now. He couldn't deny that his possessive instincts would be just as fervent as hers. He was just thankful he would never have to be in such a situation.

But Mara was, and he finally understood that. And that base, primitive part of her needed reassurance from him. Finally gathering the courage, Luke stood and moved towards her. He dragged his chair until he was sitting as close as possible, and could reach out to gather her hand in both of his.

"There will always be a part of me that loves her, Mara". He admitted, squeezing her hand gently as she flinched at his words. "I could never just…forget what I felt for her, how happy I was in our time together". He gently reached his fingers up to cup her chin, drawing her face round to him. Her expression was stony and cold, and there was no evidence of tears, but Luke could see the pain in her deep eyes.

"But what I felt for her…it can't compare" He smiled gently at her. "What I feel for you…" He trailed off, knowing he could never adequately express what he wanted to say. So he closed his eyes, and reached out for her with the Force. She opened up for him, ever so slightly, and he surged into her, burrowing through the recesses of her mind and heart, filling all of the cold, lonely places with himself. He searched for the hidden places of herself, the havens of her insecurities, of her anger and hurt. It felt cool in his hands, and he wrapped himself around them, filling the holes, rebuilding the fragile conduits and passages of her doubts, of her fears. The free reign she gave him was exhilarating, and he explored every part of her, more deeply than ever before.

When he finally withdrew, they were both out of breath, and his arm was around her tightly. Her face was pressed into his shoulder, her hand clutching the fabric of his tunic.

"I'm sorry" came her muffled cry as she held him tighter. "I love you".

Luke stroked her hair and soothed her, closing his eyes again as her vibrant presence washed over him. There was complete calm on the terrace for several minutes, as Mara composed herself and Luke tightened his arms around her body. He was pleased to find that her skin was warm again, and had returned to a healthy colour.

"Callista…she was a dream" Luke finally spoke into the darkness, clarity dawning upon him. "I just wanted someone to love so badly, I think that I just didn't care who it was". Luke felt Mara's head turn slightly to look up at him, and he drew his other hand round to caress her cheek. "I don't think that I will ever regret our time together…she taught me how to love deeply, and I'm thankful for that".

Mara's hand moved to wrap tightly around his hip, and Luke relaxed into her embrace. "And I'm sorry I didn't realise you felt this way about us, Mara. I should have seen it".

"No, Luke" Mara said firmly, giving his hip a small slap. "Don't try to take the blame away from me" she chastised him. "I didn't even know I felt like this…but it's my problem, I have to deal with it". She sat up slightly and placed her finger to his lips, stopping the words she knew were coming. "And of course, I'll let you help". She smiled and leaned back down to rest on him.

"You know I'm always here for you, Mara". Luke placed a soft kiss to the crown of her head.

"I know". Mara smiled and leaned into him. "I just couldn't stop myself from thinking about the two of you…about what might of happened if she'd never left". Mara grimaced. "Of how easily she could have been your wife…how we might have never…." She stopped, unable to even say the words aloud.

"Mara…" Luke began, but stopped himself to give the thought due consideration. It was only fair, to both of them, to consider his feelings on the matter, as opposed to dismissing them outright. Her fears were not unfounded. Luke could have very easily married Callista, could not have learnt to appreciate Mara in the way he had, or come to love her. But the more Luke thought abut it, the more he knew what the truth was.

"No matter what could have happened in the past, with Callista, or with anyone else…" He tilted her head and looked deeply into her eyes. "It might take me astray, it may place obstacles in my path, but I believe that the Force would always lead me to you".

He pressed his lips to hers and smothered her smile. It was a kiss of understanding, of promise, and she responded eagerly, both physically, and through their bond in the Force. It had seemed like an age since they had kissed and communicated in this way, and Luke was resolved to not let that much time pass again. His arms tightened around her waist as he pulled her closer, basking in the bliss she bestowed upon him. But the scraping of the metal chair leg against the ground reminded him of their awkward position, preventing any progression further than the kiss itself.

Mara seemed to reach the same conclusion and reluctantly pulled away from him. A little breathless he asked him; "No more secrets, Luke?"

He shook his head, reaching to brush a wayward curl from in front of her eyes. "You either?"

She sighed contentedly, but then gave him a playful smile. "Well…I wasn't exactly telling you the whole truth, earlier" she admitted.

With her mind so receptive and open, he could easily sense her thoughts. "The real reason you didn't run off to Leia and Han's?" he asked her.

"I know that they would have knocked some sense into me". Mara eyes him fondly. "And I'd much rather have you do that".

"As long as you're up for knocking me right back" His hand curved seductively down her bare arm.

She grinned at him in return. "Count on it, Skywalker".


	10. Chapter 9

**_Wild Karrde_, Deep Space, 12 ABY**

"Jade here". Her voice was detached, professional, as she answered the comm. Her cool collectiveness scattered slightly when the accompanying holographic image appeared before her.

Mara leaned forward, trying to hold together a semblance of dignity. Karrde gave her an amused look from his station across the bridge. Luckily, it was late into the night and there were few other staff likely to hear the transmition.

"Hello Mara" the woman said, a diplomatic smile on her lips.

Mara didn't return it. "Madame Chief of State" she greeted her as respectfully as she could manage. She didn't know why exactly she was so surprised at the call, she'd been expecting it for days, actually. Ever since the news had been splattered across the holonet.

For a several moments the two women stared at each other, Leia, holding all the poise and bearing of her office, and Mara glaring stubbornly back at her. "I suppose this wasn't a social call?" Mara finally said, coldly. She liked Leia, admired her even. She just wasn't sure that they would ever be close to being friends. Despite their shared experiences and triumphs, there remained a slight, mutual distrust that neither woman cared to dislodge. Mara, at least, was too stubborn to make any concessions.

"No" Leia finally answered, her tone slightly strained. "I assume you've heard the news about Luke?"

"There's scarce else on the holonet" Mara conceded. "I noticed that the danger to the Academy was relegated to an afterthought".

"Yes" Leia pursed her lips. "Obviously Callista made a much more interesting story" she said disdainfully.

"Obviously" Mara held herself in check. The truth was, she was just as indignant as Leia at the treatment of Luke's private life. Oh, she was pleased that Callista had left him, but she objected to having Luke's internal pain packaged and presented for mass galactic consumption.

Mara wanted to ask how Luke was faring, but couldn't bring herself to give Leia the satisfaction.

"Luke has taken it fairly hard" Leia said, relieving Mara of her dilemma.

"I can imagine". She answered noncommittally, knowing where this was probably heading.

Leia visibly composed herself, clasping her hands on her lap and took a deep breathe. "He's locked himself away on Yavin. He's refusing to teach, refusing to see anyone. I was wondering if perhaps…you would consider going to him".

"He's your brother" Mara folded her arms defiantly. "You try and cheer him up".

"Mara I've tried" Leia's voice cracked, ever so slightly. Mara squinted a little, examining the small image before her. Outwardly, Leia seemed the epitome of calm, but further scrutiny revealed telltale signs of stress, dark circles under her eyes, her hands clasped a bit too tightly in her lap.

Mara, however, pretended not to notice. "Then what makes you think I'll fare any better?"

"I don't pretend to understand your…relationship with my brother, Mara" Leia faltered over the words. "But no one else has been able to get through to him. At least try" she entreated.

"Sorry, Leia. I've got more important things to do than to go around chasing wayward farmboys". Her tone was indifferent.

"Please, Mara" Leia eyed her desperately. "I know we don't always….agree where my brother is concerned, but I've never known you not to be there for him".

Marae shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She hated being guilted into things like this. Unfortunately, both of the Solo's were extremely good at it. Several tense moments passed before she gave a sigh of resignation. "Fine, but only for Skywalker's sake". Mara gave her a full look. "Not because you asked me to".

"Thank you, Mara". Leia's face showed genuine gratitude and thankfulness. Mara nodded curtly and cut the connection without another word. She settled back into her seat, contemplating.

Karrde threw her an amused look from across the datapad he'd been pretending to examine. "Weren't you going to see Skywalker anyway?" he enquired. "I'm positive that's why I cleared you for leave".

"Yes". Mara countered, staring out to viewport. "But she didn't need to know that".

"So you let her sit there and practically beg you?"

Mara bristled at the words. "Look, Talon, this wasn't for my own personal enjoyment. If Organa Solo knew I was going to see Skywalker voluntarily…"

"She would what?" Karrde cut in. "Think you were his friend? Be grateful for your foresight and compassion? She wouldn't have thought any less of you Mara" he added gently. "In fact, I believe it would have had the opposite effect".

"I don't need her approval, Talon". Mara said brusquely. "Or yours".

"That's too bad, Mara". He walked over to the seat next to hers. "Because you've always had mine. And my respect".

Mara managed to give him a small smile. "I know, but-"

"You appreciate it, but you don't need it, is that what you were going to say?" Karrde grinned.

"Sith, you're almost as bad as Skywalker sometimes" Mara grumbled, her countenance falling rapidly again.

"And without a drop of the Force" he boasted inanely.

Mara grunted under her breath, then rose to her feet. "I leave at 1400" she informed Karrde, then made her way towards the door and away from the conversation.

"Give Skywalker my regards" he called after her.

* * *

**Yavin IV**

Resentment came to Mara swiftly and easily. She resented Callista for leaving her this mess to deal with. She resented Organa Solo and the Jedi here at the Academy for lacking the spine that was needed to confront a certain Jedi Master. She resented the humidity of the jungle, seeping into her clothes and skin, she resented the animals that screeched and called to one another making it impossible for her to think clearly. But most of all, she resented Luke Skywalker for ever coming into her life, for complicating things so much for her. And the fact he didn't even have the decency to sulk indoors, where such depression belonged.

Instead, he had forced her to trudge through miles of jungle, chasing after the whisper of his Force sense, while the mud sullied her boots and her mood grew foul.

She eventually found him, leaning against the strong, ample trunk of a Massassi trees, it overgrown roots winding between his legs. His eyes were closed and his face was pained, highlighting the darkness underneath his eyes. A wave of sympathy passed over her, but she quickly repressed it. The last thing Skywalker needed at the moment was another person feeling sorry for him.

"Is this a personal pity party?" she asked as she approached. "Or invitation only?"

Luke laughed bitterly. "Come to gloat, Jade?" He didn't open his eyes or move in any other way to acknowledge her presence.

"No" she moved closer still, until she stood right next to his seated form. "Gloating would imply that you've done something wrong, and I don't think that is the case".

"Always semantics with you" Luke opened his eyes to slits, but that was enough for her to see the pain within them. "What makes you so sure I haven't done something wrong? I mean I must have – she's gone".

In a rare display of indulgence and solidarity, Mara joined him on the ground, placing herself in a space between the tree's giant roots. She wasn't quite facing him, her shoulder close, but not quite touching his own.

"I don't suppose you've come to tell me how sorry you are" he said voice tired, strained.

"I wouldn't insult you like that, Skywalker" she answered calmly. Mara's dislike for his lost love had been obvious, even to Luke. To offer her condolences in such a contrived manner would be the highest hypocrisy. Besides, Mara knew expressions of sympathy were the last thing he wanted, or needed, to hear.

Luke didn't answer her, but she felt a slight recession of his pain, his sorrows held at bay by her presence. They sat in a silent companionship for several moments, and Luke closed his eyes again. Mara found herself opening up to the sounds of the jungle, of the nature that surrounded them. It had its own presence in the Force, she realised. It was in the air, the trees, the small ground-dwelling animals and the birds that flew above them. The Force swirled around them, bound together in their shared company. It was peaceful. Mara understood why Luke would have sought his solitude out here.

"Did it bother you?" Mara asked, finally, quietly into the air.

Luke turned his head slightly towards her. "Did what bother me?"

Flushing slightly, Mara turned away. She wasn't sure why she'd said anything at all. "Callista…she…" Mara twisted back around to face him. "She would always call you 'The Master'. Especially around the other Jedi".

"Did that bother _you_?" Luke was inquisitive.

"Only on your behalf" Mara defended herself. "I never thought you were comfortable with titles like that".

Luke turned his gaze back to the tress ahead of him. "I'm not" he whispered. "But Callista was a Jedi of the Old Order. They…held different beliefs".

"Did you ever wonder whether she was attracted to your status as a Jedi Master, rather than…"

"Rather than what?" Luke snapped, suddenly angry. "Is it so inconceivable for a woman to care for me, to love me…"

"That's not what I said" Mara retorted, his own outburst raising her defences.

"It's what you implied" came his sharp reply. "That Callista only loved me for by title, my abilities in the Force". He stood abruptly and moved a safe distance away from her.

"Well, it's not such a great stretch of logic" Mara rejoined, scrambling to her own feet.

Luke glared at her angrily. "How dare you" his voice was low and dangerous. "You didn't know her at all. You couldn't possibly understand what happened between us".

"Look, Skywalker, I didn't come here looking for abuse from you" Mara put her hand on her hips defiantly.

"Although you're more than willing to deal it out" he shot back.

Mara huffed irritably. "All I'm saying is that maybe you misread her intentions. Love blinds you".

"And how would you know?" Luke took and ominous step towards her. "Have you ever been in love? Do you even know what it is?"

She expected a brutal anger to come at his words – an undeniable hurt to burn within her. But Mara simply felt cold – a numbing chill spreading through her. An immediate and automatic deadening of her emotions. Before he could react to his own harsh words, Mara had turned on her heel and walked briskly away.

She heard his voice call after her, but she ignored it. Ignored the light rain that began to fall, completing the task that the humidity had begun. Mara didn't care, walking deeper into the jungle, heedless of the danger of her actions.

Eventually she came to a stop, as the light rainfall became a howling wind and a bitter downpour. Her hair hung limply around her as she sat down harshly on a nearby rock. Mara took stock of her situation, it finally occurring to her that she was even further away from the Temple, from her shuttle. In her haste, she hadn't properly thought out her escape. She was sure that she could find her way back, it would simply take more time that she would have liked.

It was then that she felt Luke's presence reach out for hers anxiously. She withdrew hurriedly, but it was enough for him to discern her exact location, and he appeared within minutes, looking harried. The rain had plastered his fair hair to his face, his thick, dark clothes clinging to his skin tightly.

Luke approached her cautiously. "I'm sorry for what I said, Mara" he prodded gently. "It was completely insensitive of me. I never meant to hurt you". He took a tentative seat on a nearby rock, crossing his legs underneath him.

"It takes a lot more than words to hurt me, Skywalker" Mara answered tersely.

He shot her a mixed look. "Then why did you run?" his voice was soft.

Mara looked away. "I did not run, Skywalker" she informed him. "I _walked_ away because I came here to comfort you and you threw it back in my face".

For a moment he looked contrite and sorrowful, but it was soon placed with a wry exasperation. "Well, just for future reference, Jade, telling someone to in effect, get over a person by implying they were never really loved in the first place is a horrible form of comfort".

Mara saw the clarity of her actions, how much her words must have cut him. She could have traded an equally impressive barb with him, but chose to show some restraint. "Duly noted" she said.

Luke nodded, pleased, and a contemplative look crossed his face. "The thought did crossed my mind" he said, after a silence. "That Callista loved the Jedi Master, and not me".

"I didn't really mean that…"

"No Mara" Luke cut her off. "Don't apologise. You've never spared my feelings for the truth, and for that I've always trusted you. Don't start now".

Mara was startled by his words. Without realising it, she'd become like the rest of his friends and companions. Distorting, twisting the truth in order to comfort him, to benefit his self-worth. It was a travesty to her own character, and she's slipped into it so easily.

"Skywalker…" she began, before she realised that she wasn't sure what she wanted to say to him. "I -"

"Shhhh" came his hushed reply. His eyes were closed again, and he breathed deeply, seemingly oblivious to the rain that was falling hard around them, scarce prevented by the dense foliage. "Please, Mara. Just sit with me".

She wasn't sure what he meant by the invitation. He didn't seem to be meditating, or to be in the first stages of it. She reached out to him, slightly, through the Force, and he grasped the tendril tightly, holding onto her, inviting her. Did he wasn't her comfort, her to join him in a shared awareness of the Force? or perhaps her mere presence was enough. Mara wasn't sure, but she closed her eyes, ignoring the rain that fell around her.

"Alright" she answered, her voice barely a whisper.

Night had fallen by the time they returned to the Massassi Temple, the moonlight silhouetting his features. He turned to her, smiling. "Thank you, Mara. I'm glad you came".

She nodded warmly, and turned to walk toward the hanger where her ship was berthed.

"Mara?" he called after her.

"Yes, Skywalker?"

"My sister sent you didn't she?"

She couldn't quite discern his tone. Perhaps he wanted an expression of friendship, of loyalty. To hear that she'd come to him without the prodding and pleading of his sister. To know that she valued his happiness, his wellbeing. Mara wasn't sure she could give him that.

"Yes" she lied.


	11. Chapter 10

**Skywalker Apartment, Coruscant. 32 ABY **

"Mara what are you doing?" The sluggish, coarse voice of her husband cut through the darkness.

Mara looked up briefly from the floor to find him peering at her from his sprawled position on the bed. She returned her attention to the shirt in her hand, before discarding it back onto the floor. She picked up another from the scattered pile of cloth, hers this time. "Trying to keep warm" she answered, pulling the shirt over her head and smoothing it down over her body.

He grinned foolishly at her. "I thought that was my job?"

A wave of playfulness crossed Mara, and she folded her arms in defiance. "Well, you're being lax".

"Come here".

Smiling, Mara moved back into his embrace, pillowing her head on his bare chest. She moved an arm to rest on his hip and held him tightly. "Luke?"

"Hmmm?" His eyes had drifted closed and he began to breathe evenly.

"I've been thinking".

"Hmmm? Me too" he murmured, automatically.

"Luke?" She slapped his chest lightly, jolting him back into awareness.

"What?" With a wince, he inclined his head slightly towards her.

Mara sat up slightly, resting her hand on his chest as she swivelled to face him. "Not tired, are you?" She asked mischievously.

"I'm sorry, my love, you appear to have…rather exhausted me". His eyes fluttered closed again.

"Luke!" She slapped him again, lightly this time.

"I'm not that young anymore, Mara" he reminded her, a grin forming on his lips.

Mara shifted up the bed slightly, bringing her face close to hers. "Well, I've always believed that youth and age have very little to do with one another". She placed a light kiss to his lips.

"Hmmm" he muttered again, returning her kiss. Perhaps he was not as tired as he claimed, Mara though wickedly, doubling her efforts.

"In fact" she murmured, between kisses, "Leia was telling me just the other day that Han…"

"Mara!" Luke pulled abruptly away from her, wide-eyed in horror. "There are certain things I'd prefer us not to talk about…especially when…" he gestured his hand between them.

"Especially when what?" Mara grinned, and leant in close to him again, her hand travelling sinuously down his chest. "Luke?" She kissed him soundly. "Especially when what?"

"When…Oh, never mind"

It was some time later when Mara finally allowed herself a sated sigh, and for her eyes to begin to drift closed.

"What were you thinking?" Luke's deep voice came from behind her.

"I'm sorry?" She turned a little on her side to face him.

"Before – you said you'd been thinking". He grinned inanely at her. "Or was it just a ploy to get my attention and ravish me?"

Mara gave him a derivative laugh. "_You_ are attributing _me _with ravishment?"

"I most certainly am" he grinned.

"Shut up, or I'll never do it again".

He lapsed obediently into silence, but she felt a loving, playful caress through the Force. The minutes drifted by in silent companionship as he breathing evened and peace settled upon them. Mara waited until she could feel he was beginning to drift off again before speaking. "I was thinking about us" she said softly.

Luke remained silent, but she could feel his grip around her tighten slightly, and his unspoke urge to continue. "Ben was…very difficult when you were away". Mara was careful to keep her voice neutral.

"I guessed as much". Luke admitted with a grimace. "He was rather emotional when I saw him earlier".

"He misses you, Luke" Mara swivelled her body, twisting around to face him. "_We_ miss you". Her hand reached up to caress his cheek, tracing a soft pattern over his marked skin.

"I'm not gone that often" Luke defended himself, but his words were without substance, without the will to convince her.

Mara eyed him penetratingly. "It's enough, Luke" Her hand dropped back onto the sheets, and he quickly covered it with his palm. "Ben doesn't understand how much responsibility falls to you, how much you seem to be needed out there. He thinks that he's second best".

Luke closed his eyes, contemplating. Mara disliked being harsh with him, but it was the only way to get through to him sometimes. Those lofty ideals, while admirable, made a rather tough shell to penetrate.

"Kyp asked me when I was planning to take on a new apprentice" Luke said finally.

Mara stiffened slightly, turning her head towards the window, away from him. "What did you say?"

"That I wasn't sure" he replied evenly. "Were you considering - "

"No" she cut him off harshly, retreating from his embrace.

Luke was visibly shocked by the dismissive, final nature of her tone. "You never even thought about it?"

"I do have a child to raise, Luke".

"_We_" he reminded her. "We have a child to raise". His arm reached over her again, but she repelled him through the Force.

"Sometimes I wonder" Mara replied, almost inaudibly.

"What do you mean by that?" Luke raised himself up to an elbow, so that he could peer down at her. Mara's face was shadowed, her cheeks adorned by the moonlight that left her eyes shaded. He was careful to keep his voice neutral. They'd only just recovered from their last argument.

Mara sighed, and moved further down the bed. She sat up, and crossed her legs, eyeing him squarely. But there was no malice or anger in her face. But there was a strange longing, a sadness that he could discern in her expression. Carefully, he sat up to face her, and was pleased when she reached for his hand.

"You know that I've never been good at this, Luke" she began, her slim fingers caressing the skin of his palm. "Do you realise we've been married for over ten years?" Mara smiled indulgently. "And known each other ten years before that?" she added, shaking her head, almost in disbelief. "It should seem like a lifetime, but it doesn't". Her smile lessened slightly, a wave of melancholy crossing her face. "It still feel like we haven't had enough time to enjoy each other".

"I know what you mean". Luke felt as if the last twenty years of his life had gone past him in a flash, slipped through his fingers as easily as sand.

"There's always been war, or politics or some other crisis keeping us apart" Mara continued. "Or…our own stubbornness" She added as an afterthought.

Luke grinned at this. "Yours more than mine I think, Mara" he teased.

He received a glare and Luke forced a neutral expression onto his face. Mara had never been comfortable exposing herself like this, even to him. For her to be so serious was a clear sign that what she wanted to say was important. He nodded, urging her to continue.

"We finally have a time for ourselves, Luke" Mara continued heedlessly. "The time I'd always taken for granted before".

"Mara" Luke started to reach out for her, but she stopped him.

"Please, Luke" her eyes pleaded with him. "I need to say this". He nodded to her, giving her a small smile, squeezing her hand gently in reassurance.

"I realised that the reason why I was so upset about Callista. It wasn't her – or you" She looked at him deeply. "It was me – It was the danger of losing you, even the slightest threat of it. Because I do need you". She gave him a weak smile. "I know I've never admitted to it before, but I'm saying it now - I need this family. You and Ben".

Luke felt overcome by the emotion of her words, and what it must have cost her pride to admit it to him. Even after all these years, those simple words brought such fulfilment to his heart. Oh, he'd always known she'd felt that way, but to hear her say the words was indescribable. Impulsively, her brought her hand to his lips, and placed a tender kiss to her fingers. He continued to clasp her hand in both of his.

"You know that I'll always put this family first" he told her, his voice a gentle caress. "That the two of you are more important to me than anything". He saw her nod, and shift a bit closer to him, their knees almost touching. "I gave up responsibility on Ithor…And I think it's finally time to prove it".

Mara placed the warm skin of her free hand to his knee. "I'm not asking you to give up the Jedi. You couldn't, even if you wanted to".

"I know" Luke nodded. "But I need to be a husband and father first".

Giving him a tentative smile, Mara's eyes met his tenderly. "I mean, look at us, Luke. We're a generation of orphans". She took a deep breath. "We grew up without guidance, without protection. We lived through war and sadness, and we did it alone. I want to give more to Ben. I want to try".

Luke took hold of Mara firmly, and drew her into a tight embrace. She allowed him to do so, her hands breaking free and twining around his neck, through his cropped hair. "I do too" he whispered into the soft skin of her neck, overcome with sheer emotion. Gently, he relaxed his muscles and moved gently back to lay on the bed, bringing Mara with him. Her hand darted out to clutch the nearby blankets and pull the coverings over the both of them.

They lay in silence for several minutes, as Luke gently stroked his wife's long red tresses absently. "Where would you like to go?" he asked finally, into the darkness.

"What?" She shifted slightly against him, confused.

"I've told you that this was never really a home for me. For either of us". He moved his thumb gently over her cheek in a soft caress. "We should find one".

"You'd leave Coruscant?" She asked, rested her head back onto his shoulder. "Leave the Jedi Temple?"

"You see, Jade, there's this ingenious invention called intergalactic space travel" he teased her. "It allows you to travel between systems in short amounts of time". He was rewarded with a playful swat. Subduing his smile, Luke's tone became serious. "I wouldn't mind any planet in the galaxy, so long as you and Ben were with me".

"Well…" Mara closed her eyes and settled herself, her Force presence mingling with his gently and a contentedness washed over her. "I rather liked Ossus.."

* * *

It was there again. A tingling in the back of Ben's head, a slight varying of his perception. It had always been there, really. His father called it the Force. Ben didn't really understand how it worked, only that most of the time, it felt good. Colours became brighter to him, sounds clearer. Every sense became more acute, more real. He had learnt that if he concentrated, he could hear people walking in the hallway outside their apartment, or the speeders shoot by in the night, or his parents talking quietly in their room. Mostly, he blocked out their voices, respecting their privacy. It was a skill he could probably have taken advantage of, but Ben believed his mother would become very angry with him if she found out he was listening to their conversations. Ben understood. He liked to be left alone sometimes, too. 

He had enjoyed exploring these new sensations, and they had mostly been good experiences. But Ben found that the more he focused, the harder he tried to open himself up like that, the more bad emotions he was beginning to feel. It was always sudden. One moment he would be watching a bug crawl across the floor, listening to the quiet tapping of its legs against the ground, when he would hear a scream, or see someone fall, or feel that someone, somewhere near, was crying.

It hurt so much, and he couldn't make it stop. Ben tried to concentrate only on the good things, but he could not filter out the agony, the pain. He knew about the war, about how many people had died, had suffered. It had been so distant to him, though. History.

He couldn't help but feel it now. And he didn't understand, why the Force was so bad to him when it could make him feel so happy. Why he couldn't just ignore the pain – and feel only the colours and lights that filled him with such peace.

_That is the way of the Force, Ben. And life._

Ben almost jumped out of bed at the sound. He threw the covers off and slammed the light on, illuminating his small room. It was empty. But he _had_ heard something, a voice… _No_, Ben told himself. There was nobody there.

_Always trust yourself._

A part of Ben told him to call out for his parents, to run to them where he would be safe. But the strange thing was…he wasn't scared. The voice was there, now, he had heard it clearly. He could _feel_ it as well. His body felt warm and protected, like when his father would envelop him into a firm hug and hold him tightly. The part deep inside of him he had learnt to trust told him that there was nothing to fear.

"Hello?" he called out into the room softly.

It wasn't quite a figure that appeared before his eyes. But in Ben's vision, the spot before his vision seemed to…shift slightly. He couldn't make out anything in particular, except – eyes, perhaps. Bright, familiar eyes. Blue like his own, like his fathers. And dark robes, he could see them now, though faintly. And a smile – a gentle, peaceful gaze on his face.

"You're him, aren't you?" he asked in wonder. Ben didn't just guess at who his visitor was – somehow, he just _knew_. "My…grandfather" Ben's lips closed around the unfamiliar word. "Your eyes are just like Dad's. Like mine".

Anakin's smile widened as he nodded.

"Dad told me about you" he added when the figure didn't answer.

Finally, the image shifted, and reappeared next to Ben on the bed. "What did he say?" His deep voice filled Ben's heart, rather than his ears.

Ben furrowed his brow. It was difficult to reconcile the image before him to the many stories his father had told. "He said…that you were once a great Jedi Knight. And that…you did bad things" Ben spoke up finally. "That you hurt a lot of people".

The apparition nodded sadly. "All of that's true".

Biting his lip in concentration, Ben continued. "But he said that you were good in the end. That some part of you was always good. That you…saved him".

A wistful smile crossed the figure's face. "He saved me".

"So it is you" Ben declared. "What…" he faltered slightly, ashamed of his ignorance. "What should I call you?"

The figure features seemed to shift, becoming not quite sad, but regretful. "I'm sorry, Ben, that I robbed you of the chance to know your grandparents. I know what it was like to grow up like that, and I never wished it for you". He appeared to sigh, and the Ben it felt like the whole room was inverting towards him, breathing with him. "You may call me Anakin".

"Did you hear them, Anakin?" Ben scowled, the sadness suddenly overcoming his curiosity.

"Your parents?" Anakin raised an eyebrow. "Yes, I did".

"Dad said they were just talking, but I don't believe him" Ben thrust out his bottom lip, pouting. "I _felt_ it…they were so angry".

"Just be glad you didn't feel what they've been doing for the past few hours" Anakin smirked as he patted Ben playfully on the shoulder, halting any further questions on the subject.

Ben looked at him quizzically, but put the comment down to just another thing the adults wouldn't tell him about. Or promise to explain when he was older. "Everyone treats me like such a kid" he whined. He expected Anakin to laugh and pat him on the shoulder again, or make a patronising comment about how he _was_ a kid. Or to tell him knowingly that he didn't want to grow up too soon.

But Anakin seemed to muse on the complaint. "I was like that" he said finally. "I used to tell everyone that someday I would visit every star in the sky. No one took me seriously, of course". He smiled wistfully. "But I never forgot about it".

"I bet you visited heaps, though, didn't you Anakin?" Ben bounced up excitedly on the bed. "I wanna fly a X-wing like Dad" he informed him. "He said that it's so fun when all the stars are going past".

Anakin laughed warmly. "It is. As long as you're not flying anyway from something".

Ben felt his scrutinising gaze, but it didn't make him feel uncomfortable. It was warm – accepting. He hadn't felt like that in a while. Ben cast his eyes downward, his voice becoming soft. "Dad's always flying away. And Mama – she gets upset and wants me to go away. She says I wouldn't understand".

"That is the way your mother is" Anakin explained gently. "I remember -" But he cut himself off and lased into silence.

"What?" Ben moaned, irritated. That happened to him a lot. Someone would begin to say something about his mother, but stop themselves at the last minute. Aunty Leia did it to him all the time. What weren't they telling him?

A grimace formed on Anakin's face. "That is not something you should hear from me". Ben wasn't ready to accept that, but Anakin quickly moved on. "I know it's hard, Ben. When I was growing up, I could feel it if someone was hurt, or sick. Or even the slightest bit upset". He sighed deeply. "I was never able to forget it – how it felt. But maybe you'll be able to benefit from my mistakes" He added, almost to himself.

Ben didn't quite know what the say – there was so much he didn't understand, so much he hadn't been told. But underneath the bewilderment and curiosity, there was a streak of exhilarating excitement. He was actually talking to his grandfather, the hero who he had heard so much of, who he had always wondered about and secretly admired. It was someone who didn't shy away from his questions, didn't dismiss him as too young to understand or felt the need to whisper around him. Who he could talk to…who would listen.

"So are you the Force now?" Ben asked, gazing up at his transparent image of his grandfather. "That's what Dad said".

"In a way" Anakin nodded acutely. "I am a part of it, a part of everything, now".

Ben lowered his head. "I don't understand it" he said, reluctantly. "The Force".

"I know Ben" Anakin reached out a ghostly hand and placed it on his shoulder. Ben immediately felt his skin warm and glow. "That's why I'm here".

"Dad doesn't know" Ben looked up again. "I tried to tell him but he doesn't get it. He doesn't hurt like I do".

"Your father has forgotten how strongly the Force manifests itself in the young" Anakin answered. "You are receptive fully of the Force in a way you never will be again. You must learn to control it".

"What if I can't?" Ben felt the oppressive weight in his heart again – the fear that the darkness, the pain, would overwhelm him and smother the light.

"I'll help you" Anakin said resolutely. His spectral hand drifted down from Ben's shoulder to tightly grasp his small hands. "There are dark times coming for the Jedi, Ben. You can't allow yourself to be caught up in it". Anakin's eyes darkened slightly. "There is so much I've learnt about the Force, Ben. So much I could teach you". He looked up, to a point behind Ben's shoulder – almost as if he was listening to something. Ben strained his ears. Perhaps he was imagining it…but he almost _could_ hear voices. They were too soft for him to make out, whispers in the dead air. But Anakin seemed to hear them clearly.

"I never learnt restraint in my life" Anakin refocused his attention back on Ben. "But we must teach it to you". He grimaced slightly. "Even if it means distancing yourself from the Force".

Ben wriggled eagerly. "From the pain you mean, Anakin?"

"From all of it" He replied sorrowfully. "The good as well as the bad". Anakin took Ben by the shoulders gently. "It may feel empty, but we believe that it is for the best. If you trust me?"

Ben stared into the twin eyes of his grandfather. The man who had helped wipe out the Jedi so long before he was born. Who had saved his father, and turned back to the light. Who he had been told was strong, and without fear. Who could see inside of him in a way even his mother and father could not. Could, perhaps, understand the depression, the darkness he was feeling.

"I trust you, Anakin" he answered resolutely.

"I couldn't be there for your father, Ben" Anakin looked deeply back into his eyes. "But I will be there for you".

* * *

**Dante-Reven** - Thank you. There will be some more Mara/Callista interaction later, I promise.

**Salinethe saltlakequeen** - I think Luke and Mara would still be pretty active - with help from the Force, of course ;) Thanks!

**doreenthatshot - **Thank you.

**AgiVega - **Thanks - I agree, I don't think Mara has ever loved anyone other than Luke. Had relationships with, perhaps, but not loved.


	12. Chapter 11

A/N: Two of the exchanges of dialogue in this section are shamelessly (!) stolen from two episodes of Stargate SG-1. Er…no, not stolen…it's an…uh…homage…that's right. Homage ;) Which considering the SG-1 writers "homage" SW all the time...

* * *

**Luke Skywalker's quarters, Yavin IV. 12 ABY**

He cast an apprehensive look over the sleeping trader who tossed fitfully in his bed. She moaned, and Luke moved closer towards her, touching her bare arm gently. Mara wavered on the verge of consciousness for a few moments, and Luke waited for those eyes to flutter open and meet his. He wasn't sure how she would react, but he would relieve his heavy heart immensely if she showed any signs of waking. Her eyelid flittered and Mara met out another soft moan, but did not wake. She settled back into a deep, if not comforting sleep.

Luke sighed, and pressed his hand to her forehead. Her skin was clammy, and far too warm. Luke inspected her closely, looking for any sign of change. Mara's face was pallid and white, so much so that even the freckles that speckled her cheeks were not visible. Sweat glistened around her hairline and forehead, but Luke didn't dare lower the temperature of the room, nor remove the blankets that covered her. Not since she'd begun to shiver uncontrollably a few hours before. She'd been asleep for many hours, and the rest had not seemed to have improved her condition much.

Naturally, Luke blamed himself. He'd been the one who'd asked her to stay with him – sit with him, heedless of the heavy rain that poured down upon them. It had seemed to right, so comfortable in her presence that he'd lost track of the time. In their shared meditation, hours passed by him in seconds, so much so that night had long fallen by the time they'd emerged. He'd offered, of course, to accommodate her in the student's quarters, where a spare room could be prepared easily. She'd refused, though Luke thought he had sensed a reluctance to her words. In any case, he'd felt it only proper to walk her back to her ship, though the hanger was only a short distance.

It was fortunate that he'd done so. They'd barely made it inside before Mara began to feel weak, though she did not admit it. Luke had seen it plainly on her face, and pushed her not to leave, insisting she could not fly in such a condition. Naturally, she'd taken offence to the remark, and a long, bitter argument ensued. Luke felt ashamed for his part in it. He'd called her stubborn and foolish, which had earned him only the most bitter words her tongue could produce.

Her long and intense rant stole her breath, and weakened her further, until she had collapsed in his arms. It had been too late to wake Cilghil, she'd only just returned from Mon Calamari and he was loathe to disturb her rest. And since there was no one else close to a healer or medic on the moon, Luke had brought Mara back to his quarters, where he could keep an eye on her.

He'd been frantic as he lain her in his bed, concerned that her condition was something serious. His worry outstripped his embarrassment at removing her drenched clothes, though he had enough sense to respect her modesty by leaving her thin, sleeveless undershirt and shorts on. They were not as damp as the rest of her clothes, and Luke didn't want to risk her wrath if she awoke to find herself undressed fully. He didn't particularly think she'd react very favourably as it was. But Luke found that he would welcome any lashing from her, so long as she was lucid and healthy enough to do so.

A hurried inspection of her body revealed a small circle of bites around her left ankle, and indicator of Massassi bugs. How they'd gotten into her boots, he didn't know, but he was sure her numerous treks through the jungle were the cause. Usually, the bugs were harmless, but had been known to cause a fever in certain cases. In was most likely that Mara had suffered a mild allergic reaction to the bites. The stint in the rain had certainly not helped, and had more than likely aggravated the condition. It seemed that Mara's immune system was not as stubborn as her nature.

He'd spent the night awake, beside her, holding her hand and soothing her through fever-induced nightmares. He'd never suffered from the sickness himself, but a few of his students had, and told him of the horrible dreams they'd experienced under the effects. They'd spoken of the worst moments in their lives, replayed for them, twisted and horribly real. Luke shuddered to think what demons may be haunting Mara's fever-sleep. He knew that a Force trance was not going to help her any, in fact, it might prolong and sharpen the hallucinations.

It pained him greatly to hear her cry out, to toss fitfully, to fight him when he went to hold her, to comfort her. Eventually she'd quietened down, only letting out an occasional whimper, or unintelligible murmur, and he'd taken her in his arms. It had felt so strange, to hold Mara in such a way – he'd certainly never been allowed this close to her. He'd lain next to her in the wide bed – on top of the covers, to be safe, his arms closed tight around her, sending restful thoughts to her through the Force.

He'd called for Cilghil in the morning, who's confirmed his diagnosis. Massassi fever. It should clear up in a few days, depending on Mara's strength and the amount of rest she received. Under no circumstances, was Mara to get out of Luke's bed, she'd warned, or the symptoms would worsen. Luke readily agreed, but was concerned how he was actually going to implement the order once Mara awoke.

Cilghil had then inquired after his own health, and Luke had felt her hard scrutiny. He hadn't looked in the mirror for a while, but due to his lack of sleep and worry over Mara, he knew he probably was not looking at his peak. He'd quashed her concerns, effectively, he believed, with a promise to take better care of himself. As soon as Mara was healthy again, he'd added as a silent afterthought.

As Cilghil left, Luke asked for her silence in the matter, for Mara's sake, if not his own. Luke knew she would feel uncomfortable around the Jedi and students, if they knew that she'd been brought down by a small insect. And her visits to the temple were as sporadic as it was, he didn't want to prolong her absences any further. Luke then returned to Mara's bedside, smoothing out the sheets and blankets that had become tangled about her legs. He took her hand and willed her with all his strength to fight.

* * *

_There was fire all around her. Scalding her skin, marking her, burning her with its unimaginable intensity. She walked for hours, but did not seem to get anywhere. All she could see was the past – every kill she had made, played out for her in vivid colour and sound. She saw the look on her own face – cold, calculating. Merciless. _

_All she could see was her own, twisted soul, the eyes of her victims, their screams. And the fire – red like blood, yellow like the eyes of her Emperor. He heard his laugh, somewhere in the distance, and then inside her head. _

_He demanded her surrender, her pledge to the dark. It would save her, he promised. She would rise above pain, above death. He would give her freedom. His voice was taunting…and then seductive. _

_Mara struggled against the darkness that threatened to envelop her, the black tar that clung to her body, tainting it, spreading across her skin uncontrollably. _

_She called out, but smoke filled her lungs, lining them with ash. She tried to breathe, but only succeeded in inhaling more of the thick dust. She wheezed in panic, falling to her knees, a position she swore she would never be in again. _

_Then - above her there was light – not very intense, or clear, but enough to penetrate her dark surroundings. There were eyes, not looking down on her, but raising her up…a brilliant, vivid blue that she knew so well. _

_Luke?_

"Luke?" The feeble word fell out of Mara's mouth, and Luke clutched her hand tighter. He'd only left her side for a few minutes, to prepare some tea for when she awoke, when he'd heard her cry out from his bedroom, caught in another feverish nightmare. He was at her side again in an instant, and took her hand in one of his, as the other reached out to stroke her hairline, willing her to calm down. She'd settled almost immediately, her panting, struggled breathes easing to a more normal pace, her frame relaxing back into the bed.

It was then that she'd spoken, a soft, almost questioning whisper of his name. Luke looked at her in shock, seeing her eyelids flutter, but remain closed. Was it possible she could sense his presence beside her? The thought heartened Luke's resolve. If she could sense him, then she must have some grip or perception beyond her fever, her unconsciousness.

"Mara" he probed gently into her psyche, careful not to push where she would not allow him to go. He could feel her though, rocking gently between sleep and awake, struggling to fight back to consciousness.

Her eyes quivered again, but this time, opened to reveal slits of a dull green. "Luke?" she called again, stronger this time. He tightened his hand around hers excitedly, but she flinched and her face twisted in pain. Luke, realising he had squeezed too hard, released his grip, but did not let go. Mara opened her eyes a little more, and her dry lips parted as she rasped in and out a troubled breath.

"Mara?" He studied her face intently as her eyes travelled around the room before they slowly came to rest on him. Strangely enough, she did not seem surprised by his presence, only by her surroundings.

Mara tried to speak, but a rough couch escaped her lips instead, and Luke rubbed her arm sympathetically. Mara closed her eyes, composing herself, her small hand reaching to cover her throbbing throat. "Where am I?" she managed to whisper.

"In my quarters on Yavin" He answered, relieved that she at least could speak. She gave him an inquisitive look. "You collapsed last night" He said hurriedly. "From Massassi fever. It's not dangerous, you'll just feel like hell for a few days". Luke attempted to give her a weak smile, and was not surprised when she did not return it. But then her gaze travelled down to where her hand was clutched in his, where their fingers were intertwined.

Suddenly embarrassed, Luke attempted to extract himself and pull away, sure that Mara was about to pull a hidden blaster on him. Not that she had any place to hide it, but the woman he knew was nothing if not resourceful. So it came as a great shock to him when Mara clasped his arm with a surprisingly strong grip, her eyes sallow and pleading. The action confused Luke greatly, knowing that in any other circumstance, Mara would have cut off his hand for daring to touch her when she was in such a state. But the woman who looked back at him was so different…she looked almost frightened.

"Don't leave me" she whispered almost inaudibly, and Luke felt something constrict inside of him. He reminded himself that Mara was still heavily under the effects of the virus, and not fully lucid or emotionally balanced. Luke remembered how she had called out in her sleep. How she must have felt so alone. Of all people, Luke knew what that felt like. Gently, he pried her fingers away from his forearm, careful to let her know that it was not an action of rejection.

"Rest, Mara" he said softly, laying her hand down on the blankets and gently patting her fingers. "I'll get you something to drink". Reluctantly, he left her side, hurrying to the kitchen to fetch the tea he had prepared earlier. "From the bark of the Massassi trees" he explained as he returned, and helped her to sit up slightly, to an angle at which she could comfortably drink from. Mara wrinkled her nose slightly at the sight of the dark purplish drink and eyed him suspiciously. The familiar look made him smile as he placed a supportive hand at the small of her back. "It will bring down the fever" he encouraged her.

That seemed to satisfy her, but as she reached for the cup, her fingers shook and her body swayed, seemingly overcome from a bout of dizziness. Luke's hand moved from her back to her shoulder blade, helping Mara steady herself through the wave of vertigo. Gently, he brought the cup to her lips himself, relieved when they parted and allowed him to pour the liquid gently into her mouth. Mara tilted her head back slightly, closing her eyes as the soothing liquid flowed down her throat. Pleased at his progress, Luke continued until the she had drunk all of the tea, then helped her ease back into the bed.

"I'm hot" she murmured as her head fell back into the pillows.

Luke smiled, and pulled back some of the blankets he had covered her with. "You were shivering earlier". Uncovering her body, he tried not to look at the bare skin he'd exposed, or exactly how thin her undershirt was. "Tell me when you get cold again".

Mara's dusty gaze settled on him. "Why are you doing this?"

Taken aback by the question, Luke stared at her for a few moments, unsure of how to answer. "Because…you're my friend" he said eventually, wincing inwardly at how trite that sounded. "You're not well, of course I'm going to take care of you" he finished uncertainly.

"There's a medcentre in the complex" Mara eyed him strangely.

The words caught Luke off guard. She was right, of course. Why exactly had he brought her back to his rooms? "Well…I hate medcentres" he countered in a voice which contained more confidence than he felt.

Mara closed her eyes again, and Luke took her hand. Minutes passed as he watched her pale face, her chest rise and fall as she took in shallow breaths. It was strange, this side of Mara he was seeing. Logically, he knew that it had been there, buried deep beneath the bitter, tough exterior. But it was an entirely different matter to see it emerge, to experience it. To hear her voice without that sharp baiting wit, to feel the weight of her hand in his, knowing that she would not pull away. More than anything else, Luke felt privileged. And confused. What part did Mara have to play in his life?

He'd always cared about her, that much was clear to him. But when she'd collapsed in his arms, when he'd felt the weight of her against him, lifeless and unmoving…he had been scared. Terrified that he would lose her, that she would become yet another loss that he had to bear. At this time of his life, Luke didn't think he could handle any more grief. No…it wasn't just now. Luke knew there would never be a time in his life where he would be able to bear the loss of Mara Jade.

And that thought alone confused the hell out of him.

Dragging himself out of his ruminations, Luke risked as glace at Mara, still lying peacefully on the bed. She appeared to have drifted off to sleep again, so it came as somewhat of a surprise to Luke when she spoke softly. "I thought I was dying". Her eyes remained closed, but there was no mistaking her words. Luke didn't answer, but tightened his grip on her hand lightly. "I couldn't breathe – couldn't see anything". Mara's eyes opened, revealing something Luke had never seen within them. Tears. "It was so dark". Her lip trembled and she looked away, towards the wall. "And all I could think was that I deserved it".

Luke shifted further up the bed, so she could not escape his gaze. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing". Mara took a ragged breath, and her eyes fluttered tentatively. Luke noticed her ashen face become a little paler. "It's so hot in here" she murmured, her breaths quickening. Deftly, Luke reached to the side table by the bed and retrieved a bowl of cool water and a cloth. Carefully, he pressed the dampened material to her face and neck, alarmed at how heated it had become.

"It's alright, Mara" he soothed her, trying to remind her of his presence. Gradually, her breathing stabilised as her eyes focussed on his. Keeping her gaze, Luke continued to whisper comfort to her as he continued to run the dampness over her skin, pleased when it began to cool down. Eventually, Mara lay still again, her dull eyes still locked on his like a lifeline.

"I was scared Luke" she said, so softly Luke strained to hear her. "That it was because of everything I'd done". She swallowed heavily but to her credit, her gaze did not waver. "All the people I've killed…I saw them. And he was there…" Luke didn't have to ask who she was talking about. "He…told me to give in to it…to let the darkness take me…and I wanted to…" Her pained eyes broke away from his, and Luke reached up to cup her cheek.

"But you didn't Mara" He told her, resolute. "You were strong and you fought it". His fingers gently caressed her cheek, and he smiled at her, urging her gaze back to his. "You're not that person anymore".

"How can you be so sure?" Her eyes were filled with such uncertainty, Luke was struck by how vulnerable she seemed, how much she craved his reassurance.

"Because despite what you may think, I do know you". He moved to take her hand as he noticed her eyelids beginning to become weighed down. "Now rest".

"Will you stay with me?" she asked, her words drifting into the air as she began to fall back into unconsciousness.

Softly, Luke smiled, and moved closer to her. "Of course, Mara". He shifted his body until he was laying beside her, their hands still gripped securely together. "I'll be here for you".

* * *

Three days after her initial infection, the fever had finally worn down, and Mara awoke to full lucidity and coherence. Unfortunately, her anger at him also returned. The moment she had awoken, her eyes were vibrant and full of malicious intent. In horror, she regarded his close position to her on the bed, and their joined hands. She immediately snatched her appendage away, glaring at him. "What's going on, Skywalker?" She demanded.

"Mara, you've been sick, I'm taking care of you. Don't you remember?" He asked, already exasperated.

"No".

Luke wondered if she was telling the truth or if she was simply embarrassed at how much she had opened up to him. It must have hurt her pride to know he'd seen her in such a vulnerable position. The look in Mara's eyes betrayed more of a discomfit and awkwardness than a genuine lack of understanding.

She glanced down at the undershirt and shorts she was wearing, quickly covering her body with the blankets and eyed him angrily. "Did you have fun taking off my clothes?" In anyone else, it might have been a playful taunt, but in Mara it was a severe accusation.

Luke sighed, knowing that Mara was most certainly feeling normal again. "I kept my eyes closed the whole time".

"Sure". She attempted to stand, wrapping the sheet around to cover herself, but Luke was on the bed in an instant, holding her gently but firmly by the shoulders.

"No, Mara" he insisted. "There's too much danger of a relapse".

She struggled against him regardless. "Don't be ridiculous, Skywalker. I feel fine". She shrugged off his grip and he reluctantly let go of her. Awkwardly protecting her dignity with the sheets and blankets, Mara attempted to stand and walk from the bed, only to sway dangerously and begin to fall. He was there to catch her, but she ruthlessly batted his hands away and fell back into the bed, unfortunately into the midst of a coughing fit.

The ugly, rasping sound filled the room, as her chest shuddered with the intensity of it. Luke ignored her previous rejection and moved close. The place one had to her back the other to her breastbone, supporting her through the exertion. He was intensely relieved when the coughing subsided, and tried to draw her into a comforting embrace, but a single glare stopped him.

Glowering, Mara cleared her throat. "So…" she managed to rasp. "How long am I going to be interned here?"

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, Luke stepped back a respectable distance, to the chair beside the bed. "You aren't a prisoner of war, Mara" he said tiredly. He saw her open her mouth to dispute the fact, but he quickly cut her off. "Massassi fever is no common galactic cold, Mara. You have to rest until the virus is completely free from your system, or it will come back again – and worse".

She was silent for a few moments as his words sunk in. "Massassi fever?"

"It's quite interesting, really" Luke said, handing her another cup of tea that was waiting beside the bed. "The bugs that live in the Massassi trees cause the disease, and the bark from the plant itself helps to counteract the effects".

Mara reluctantly drank the tea, pondering his words. "But so many things are like that, aren't they" she said finally, as she looked away. "The power to give life…the power to take it away" Her eyes captured that look again – that mixture of grief and regret that Luke recognised from the previous few days.

"I suppose". Luke hoped she would continue, to expand on what she had told him, but when Mara looked back, the scowl had returned. "So, how long?"

"A few more days" he admitted reluctantly. "Maybe a week".

"A week?" Her tone was indignant. "I know most women would boast about spending a solid week in your bed, Skywalker, but I tell you now, one of us isn't going to survive it".

"Well if you leave the odds are against you, Mara" Luke felt his irritation rise. "And they're stacked pretty heavily". A malicious and quite enjoyable thought came to him. "It's pretty much me…or death". He looked at her sternly, hiding the small gratification the words gave him. It was not every day he was able to back Mara Jade into a corner. "Death or me".

She sat in silence for several minutes, her face betraying nothing. "Well?" He prompted eventually.

"I'm thinking!"

Luke shook his head wearily and left the room, wondering if all the progress he'd made with her the past few days had been in vain. He'd finally thought he'd broken through to her, only to be yanked roughly back to the outer fringes of her tolerance.

But, he supposed, that's how it was with him and Mara. One step forward, three steps back.

* * *

**For anyone interested, I have just created a LiveJournal in which I will be posting fic updates and other fandom-related things. Feel free to stop by, the address is in my profile. Cheers!**

**Saline the Salt Lake Queen** - The profic certainly lacks that emotinal character depth, doesn't it? We're never really told how Luke grieved and how he got through it. I'm glad you like my version! And oh yes...naked Luke. I live vicariously through Mara...

**AgiVega** - Thank you. It took me a long time to get a handle on Anakin, so i'm always ecstatic to hear that it worked!


	13. Chapter 12

**Callista Ming's apartment, Coruscant. 32 ABY. **

Luke had been standing outside the battered door for close to an hour. The squalor of the district unsettled him. He knew Coruscant's underground was a hive of corruption and moral deficiency, but the abject poverty troubled him greatly. He felt almost ashamed of the small but nonetheless lavish apartment he shared with his family. To see people living in such squalor only reinforced his many regrets about the war, about the troubles that faced the fledging government.

But that was not the reason he was so unnerved. Mara understood why he had why he had to come, why he had to see Callista. They had sorted any problems that issue had plagued them with, and now his wife only worried about what he would be confronted by. She'd offered to accompany him, but Luke knew this was something he had to face alone. Besides, he didn't imagine Callista would be exactly forthcoming with him if Mara was there.

He had his wife's blessing, and now all Luke had to do was overcome his uneasiness. He worried about what Callista had to tell him, from what Mara had said it had sounded fairly serious. Something she could only tell Luke. Mara had mentioned that she had not sensed any Force presence at all within her, but that didn't negate the danger of the Dark Side. Luke doubted that insinuation, however. The Callista that Luke had known would have died before turning to the Dark Side.

It couldn't have been personal, either. Not after seeing Mara and Ben. Despite what his wife thought, Callista was scrupulously moral. No, any relationship between them was firmly in the past, and that was where Luke preferred to keep it. Although, he couldn't deny that he was glad at the opportunity to see her again. Their parting at Nam Chorios had been melancholy and resigned. But, looking back, it had never been sufficient closure for him. Perhaps this was an opportunity for it.

Gathering his inner strength, and reminding himself that he was a Jedi Master who had survived all forms of tragedy, grief and trouble, Luke raised an apprehensive fist and knocked carefully.

She answered almost immediately, and Luke took in the image of his former love a few moments. She was still beautiful, but it was clear the years had not been kind to her. She almost looked haggard, missing the radiance he had come to associate with her presence on the _Eye of Palpatine_. But she smiled brilliantly when she recognised him. "Luke…" the words slipped from her mouth in a reverent whisper.

He returned her smile gently as he stepped inside. "Hello, Callista".

She quickly closed the door and drew him into a firm embrace. He returned it, somewhat awkwardly. For a moment, the vanilla-scent of her hair washed over him, and it was as if he stepped back twenty years. Underneath the marked face and soft bitterness that he felt in her, was the same woman he had fallen in love with so easily. He was different, though, he realised as he gently pulled her back to arms length.

"I never thought I would see your face again". She touched his cheek with her cool fingers, smiling wistfully.

"It's good to see you too, Callie". He squeezed her forearm gently.

At his words, Callista closed her eyes, her smile widening. "It feels so good to hear you call me that". Her eyes reopened and her gaze settled on his face appraisingly. "You look good" she said approvingly.

Luke blushed slightly. "A few more wrinkles here, some grey there…I'm surprised you even recognise me" he laughed.

"My heart would know you anywhere". She moved her light fingers over the small streaks of grey at his temples. "I think you look distinguished".

Luke grinned like a schoolboy. "That's what Mara says".

Abruptly, Callista's smile faded, and she moved out of his loose hold. Luke immediately regretted his words – he had been going so well! A sense of unease descended upon them and Luke searched for something to say. He was not ashamed of his marriage to Mara, nor was he going to apologise for it. But Callista's pride might be wounded – however slightly – if he flaunted his happiness in her face. Especially since she appeared to be living hard.

Eventually Callista broke the silence and turned back to face him. "Your son is beautiful".

"Thank you". Luke wasn't sure what else to say, and he certainly wasn't going to dispute the fact.

"I always knew you would make a wonderful father". She attempted to smile, but it came out like a grimace.

Luke tried not to be irritated by her expression. "I couldn't spend my life waiting for you, Callista" he replied, as gently as possible.

"I didn't really expect you too". She folded her arms defiantly, a shred of displeasure entering her voice. "I suppose I just don't understand…_her_ of all people" she said, her voice full of malice.

Luke felt a streak of anger lace through him. "I wouldn't advise you to finish that thought, Callista" he warned dangerously. He was tired of people judging Mara on her past, to hear it from someone who still held a dear place in his heart was almost unbearable.

Callista gave him a wounded look, but kept silent. Luke sighed, and ran a hand through his hair, calming himself. He gestured towards the small, battered chaise by the window. "Can I sit?"

She nodded her consent, and followed to sit beside him. Luke was relieved to see that she was a respectable distance from him.

"I'm listening, Callista". He eyed her carefully, cutting straight to the point. "After 20 years, why come back now?"

Callista visibly braced herself. She reached for his hand, and Luke allowed her to take it, but did not return the squeeze she gave his fingers.

"I tried so hard to find the Force after I left you, Luke. Every lead I followed, every system I visited only disappointed me further". She smiled bitterly. "So I tried to live a normal life. I told myself that billions of people survive without the Force, and they are happy, so why not me? But I couldn't do that either. I was still only half of myself". Callista sighed, and gripped his hand tighter.

"During the war I worked with refugees, as a nurse. I knew enough about rudimentary medicine and working in the field taught me the rest. I was helping people, but it still wasn't enough. I realised that the Force, even though I could not access it, was still a part of me".

Callista's gaze met his own. "That's why I've come back, Luke. Running away from the Jedi didn't solve my problems, it only made them worse. I want to rejoin your Order – even if it's just as an administrator, or a representative. I need to be around the Jedi again, and then, maybe, I might find what I've been looking so hard for".

Luke let all of the information digest for a few moments. "That's it?" He regarded her incredulously. "You came because you want to rejoin the Jedi, stop running away from your heritage?" He shook his head in disbelief. "I'm happy you want to do so…but you could have told all of this to Mara".

"I was afraid that if she knew...she wouldn't let me see you. I had to make it seem like it was something I could only tell you". Her gaze darted away, unable to meet his.

"I don't appreciate being manipulated" he replied coldly.

"I'm sorry Luke, I didn't mean…" She bit her lower lip and clutched his hand more tightly. "I wanted to see you" she admitted, her eyes meeting his. "I realised I made a mistake leaving you, Luke, if I had the choice again…"

Luke sighed and looked away. This was exactly what he wanted to avoid.

"I wanted so badly to find the Force…for us" Callista's voice rose in pitch and intensity. "I know you think I abandoned you – loved the Force more than you, but that's just not true. I've always loved you more than anything…I still love you".

He stiffened, and gently removed his hand awkwardly from her iron grip.

"Please, Luke. I just – I wanted us to be equal, to be worthy of you. It wouldn't be right for a Jedi Master to be with someone without the Force".

Luke turned to face her, a remembered sadness washing over him. "That never mattered to me, Callista". His voice became resigned. "Maybe if you understood me at all you'd have realised that".

"And Mara Jade understands you?" Her voice rose slightly and took on a hard edge. "She served Palpatine, Luke. Probably served him in every way" she exclaimed bitterly. "She could have been his mistress for all you know"

Luke was barely aware of anything other than his crushing anger. He stood abruptly, grabbing Callista's arm and dragging her up with him. The white-hot current ran through him, and he was barely aware that his grip was crushing her bicep until he heard her cry of pain.

He saw himself reflected in her eyes, the darkness that burned there. Luke released her and hurriedly turned away, waiting for it to ebb. He closed his eyes, reaching to find his centre. It bothered him that after all of these years, the darkness still lingered there beneath the surface. All it had taken was an insult to his wife… Of course, the Jedi now embraced a wider view of the Force itself, but Luke was still cautious of his anger, of the dark emotions that could be so easily provoked.

He heard Callista's frightened, shaky breathing behind him, and he reopened his eyes. "Callista" he began, his voice low and dangerous, but didn't turn to face her. "I forgave you long ago for leaving me. I even understood. I always felt guilty that you lost the Force because of me. You haven't found it again, your life might be less than perfect, and I feel sorry because of that". He turned to face her again. "But I do not have to explain my choices to you, and I will _never_ allow you to say such things about Mara. She's my _wife_".

Callista appeared to have regained her composure, tilting a defiant chin towards him. "And you love her?"

"Yes".

She walked towards him. "Can you honestly say that the love you share with her was greater than what we had together? We were connected Luke – more deeply than I've ever felt with anyone. I know it was the same for you".

Sufficiently calmed down, Luke shook his head, resting his hand on her arm, lightly caressing the skin where he had grabbed her earlier. "I'm sorry, Callista. At that time…maybe. But the connection Mara and I share is unparalleled".

His other hand came to cup her cheek affectionately. "I will always care deeply about you. And I don't regret loving you". Luke looked deeply into her grey eyes. "But my love is with Mara now –and I'm sorry, but it's stronger than what I felt for you".

A single tear made its way down Callista's cheek, and she inhaled sharply. "I was so sure" she whimpered. "So sure that you'd…settled for her. That she was a…"

"Replacement for you?" Luke shook his head. "No, Callie. My path was always leading towards her".

Callista's slim hand came to cover her mouth, but it didn't smother the sobs that escaped her. Luke's conscience ached, but he knew it had to be this way. Callista needed to know the truth, he couldn't give her a false impression of his marriage, or their relationship.

"Don't you remember, Luke?" She looked up, her voice desperate. "That there's a lot of time in the universe?"

Luke recalled her last words to him, her promise that, in time, they would be with one another again. "I'm sorry, Callie. But we had our time together". He turned to leave.

"Aren't you even going to kiss me goodbye?" Her voice cracked with sadness, and he turned back to see her tear-streaked face.

"Callie…"

"Please, Luke. For old time's sake". Her eyes pleaded with him, as she moved to stand before him.

Resigned, he leaned in close to her, and Callista parted her lips slightly, hopefully. But Luke turned his head, placing a light, warm kiss on her cheek. It was affectionate, but utterly chaste – the kind of kiss he would give his sister. He pulled away after an appropriate amount of time, catching the disappointment that laced her expression. But there was nothing he could do about that. Luke had accepted long ago that although he wanted too, he couldn't be responsible for shielding everyone from grief. Not at the expense of his own happiness, his own family.

So Luke whispered a soft goodbye, gave her a smile, and left.

* * *

Absently toying with the beads the wound around her neck, Mara almost didn't notice the suspicious smell of burning meat that began to waft through the air.

"Mama!" Came Ben's eager shout from the table, and then his inane laughter.

Swearing under her breath, Mara swiftly pulled the dish off the heat, waving away the smoke to reveal the almost completely burnt nerf steak.

Mara regarded the charred dish resentfully. She really wasn't as bad a cook as everyone seemed to believe, it was just in certain situations, her anxiety seemed to manifest into whatever she was preparing at the time. When she was completely focussed, her cooking was…passable.

And really, the dish wasn't utterly ruined – if she scraped off the black sections, and covered it in sauce. Mara had certainly eaten a lot worse. She looked hopefully towards her son, who, realising her intention, shook his head vehemently. "Nuh uh!" he cried forcefully. "Uncle Han says I don't have to eat anything I don't wanna. 'Specially if you've cooked it".

Mara scowled, but really couldn't blame him, despite Han's apparent sabotage. Tonight's effort did rate as one of her worst forays in the culinary arts. But hope was not lost, Mara considered, as she gave Ben a wry smile. "Your father will eat it" she concluded.

Shifting her attention to the vegetables which, pleasingly, were cooking perfectly, Mara tried to sound nonchalant. "Who were you talking to earlier, Ben?" She didn't turn around, but Mara felt a soft spike in her son's Force sense.

"When?" Ben sounded dismissive.

Mara risked a glance at him, seemingly preoccupied with his toy X-wing. "I walked by your room earlier" she began, turning to face him fully. "I heard you talking to someone". Mara forced her voice to sound calm, and not accusatory.

Ben didn't look up from the trajectory his ship was taking, and shrugged. "My friend".

"Ah". Mara tried to reach out to Ben through the Force, but found it difficult. Strangely, his aura in the Force seemed…hazy. Less pronounced than it had been before. It was only a slight change, not enough of a shift to be worried about. But Mara was concerned about Ben's 'conversation' she had overheard. "Can I meet your friend?" She asked plaintively.

Finally Ben looked up from his toy, and scrutinised her, scrunching up his face in thought. "I'm the only one who can see him".

"Oh". So he had an imaginary friend, Mara concluded. Nothing to be concerned about, she knew many children invented playmates to keep them company. And since Ben did not know many people his own age, it made sense that he would create someone to spend time with him.

Before she could question her son further, she felt the comforting wave of Luke's Force sense brushing lightly over hers, signalling his return. The apartment door chimed, and Ben immediately jumped out of his seat and ran out of the room. Mara followed him, and was pleased to find Ben had flung himself into Luke's arms, and was clinging to him tightly around the neck.

Smiling, Mara went to them. "Let your father breathe" she cautioned Ben softly, a small laugh escaping her lips as she placed a hand on Luke's arm.

Ben pulled back, contrite, and Luke gave him a grin. "It's alright". He turned to Mara and gave her a light kiss on the lips. "Good evening, my love".

Mara gently brushed a smudge of grime off of Luke's tunic. "Did you get everything you went for?" she asked softly, although Ben was too preoccupied adjusting himself in Luke's arms to care what they were saying.

"Yes. I believe I did". Luke shifted Ben higher and gave her a smile.

"Good" She returned it, relieved. "Dinner's almost ready" Her tone became lighter, and she patted him on the shoulder affectionately.

"Mmm" He took a deep breath and admirably covered the immediate cough caused by still-lingering burning sensation in the air. "Smells wonderful".

Mara wasn't fooled, but loved him for the effort. She ushered them out of the doorway, leading them back into the kitchen. "Does your…friend want to eat with us, Ben?" She ignored the inquisitive face of her husband. _I'll explain later_ she sent through the Force.

"No thanks" Ben smiled, laying his small head on Luke's shoulder. "I don't want to make him sick".


End file.
